Saturday, February 25, 2006

Lazy fuck

At least the living room is clean. Suppose I should give myself credit for doing that much. I also vacuumed my bedroom. Now if I could just get my lazy ass to finish the job I think I wouldn't feel like such a worthless schmuck, or at least not as bad of one. I mean, who the fuck can't clean 3, possibly 4 rooms? Not saying that people don't have down times and all, but I haven't really cleaned since before Christmas. And it's not like I don't have the time, think that's what really gets to me. I have no excuse other than the lazy fuck one.

Tomorrow I need to start tracking down a dentist that will take Medicaid. One of the guys from the PHP program gave me a card for his dentist that takes Medicaid, so I'll start there. Find out if he's accepting any new patients. In the meantime, I'm just soaking cotton balls in Jack Daniels & biting down on them, and taking ibuprofen for the pain. I probably should have had this filling removed and gotten a new one a long time ago. They're only supposed to last like 10 years or so. It's been close to 20 since I got it. It's still in there, so I don't know if a cavity is forming in another part of the tooth or if the filling is starting to fall out but it hurts like a bitch. Another lazy fuck moment that should have been taken care of awhile ago.

Let's see what other lazy fuck items I should take care of that I have no excuse for not doing....

  • the bankruptcy paperwork
  • paying my bills
  • getting a new vehicle sticker since mine expires on the 28th
  • taking a shower
  • getting the kiddie's 8th grade portrait taken (I've only had the refund check from the fucked up ones they did at school since mid-December)

Guess I'd better stop there or I'm going to keep myself up all night worrying about what else needs to be done and what I can do to force myself to get these things completed. I'm surprised no one's told me to get off my ass and do this stuff. Though if they did I'd probably get mad, which yes I know is fucked up.

For the woman that used to do it all, I don't do jack shit anymore. I was wife, mother, cook, maid, accountant, full-time employee, chauffeur, etc...now I'm a worthless fuck. Gee Sid, your life is really going well now isn't it?!? No one to blame but myself.

6 Comments:

Blogger the depressed nurse said...

I'm right there with ya.

10:04 AM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger Cinthia said...

At least you got a list together. That's something to be proud of :)

I can't get my apartment cleaned all at once either. I do everything in bits and pieces. It just takes too much energy to do it all!

Be a little easier on yourself. You're doing great!

8:40 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger mizeeyore said...

i'm there with ya too hon. and u are not a lazy fuck a'ight LOL

i'm like Cinthia: i do it in bits and pieces too, when i have the energy, which is hardly ever.

i'm going back into hiding again. i just dont have anything interesting to say, and on top of it all, i have a head cold AND my monthly misery.

take care of you!
Hugs,
genelle

9:44 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger borderline savvy said...

I'd be embarrassed to let you see my apartment, it is so trashed. And at least you pay your bills. I don't even open mine. Congratulations on the rooms you did vacuum! I've done a little too. I'm going through the house and collecting MASSES of trash and am throwing things out. That is going to help tremendously. But it still looks like a hurricane hit my place.

Hang in there Sid. You're not a fuck up. You are a person with BPD and severe depression, and you are doing the best you can.

And part of that is the very sweet comment you put on my blog! Thanks so much, honey. I've been going through some really bad shit pain, so I really appreciate your words of comfort.

Big hugs,
Suzanne

10:00 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger ECLIPSE said...

Letting things slide is something I do to my detriment ... it's hard to push past the lack of motivation or drive to get things done, especially when you're not feeling good and you've got spans of nothing but time and tend to put things off so much it becomes a habit.

I think even where we get moving along and begin get things orderly, we need to accept that at any time there will always be something that needs to be done or needs our attention and not to feel bad about that.

10:46 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger Maggs said...

This is the first weekend I have had energy in a LONG time and instead of using it I'm being a lazy fuck as well. Oh well. Got a few things accomplished.

12:41 AM, February 26, 2006  

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