Sleepless in Chicago

It's 4:30 am and I have yet to fall asleep. I lay in bed until about 4 am, desperately hoping sleep would overtake my weary body, but no such luck. I didn't take any Seroquel last night. I had little choice in the matter. I need to be up early today because I need to bring my car into the shop to have my brakes repaired. Had I taken the Seroquel, I would not have been able to stay awake long enough to drive over and drop my car off. Falling asleep at the wheel would certainly require more repairs than just the brakes.

I tried taking 60 mgs of the Remeron I have stashed away, but that didn't do any good in terms of helping me fall asleep. It did calm the racing thoughts quite a bit though. I had hoped once that happened I'd be in a position to gently drift off to sleep, but I think my days of ever being able to fall asleep like a normal person are long gone. Without some serious medication, I'm doomed to stay awake forever.

The lack of sleep is going to screw with my ability to concentrate today. I suppose I could try cleaning since that requires little thought and desperately needs to be done. Waking up from the mental fog that's slowly been lifting the last few days, I realized just how dust ridden and dirty everything seems to be. Not to mention the piles of the kiddie's stuff laying around everywhere except where it should be...up in her bedroom. I've already told her I'm going to start piling it on top of the pool table and that she needs to sort through it. Make sure the junk ends up in the garbage and the stuff she's interested in keeping gets put away in her room.

I'm not typically a slob. I've always been a stickler for everything being in its proper place and dust free. But once the depression becomes incapacitating, nothing gets done. Messiness runs in my family and despite trying to teach my daughter otherwise, she's followed in the footsteps of her Aunt SK and Uncle MH. While it's frustrating now, there is a glimmer of hope because both her Aunt and Uncle became much neater and more organized once they had their own places to take care of.