Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Group was blah

DBT group was pretty blah tonite. I thought maybe it would be cancelled, but two others actually showed up. The therapist that runs it (I can never remember that woman's name) insisted I call my pdoc and insist he put me back on the Valium. She also insisted that I leave a message for Ms. N so she can call me to set up an appointment when she gets back from vacation next week. Guess all this insistence is a sign she was sensing just how poorly I'm doing.

We watched some video of Marsha Linehan's about ways to distract when we're in a crisis. I kept thinking the whole time, I should distract 24/7 because my body always seems to be in crisis mode. Next week we're supposed to watch the other half about self soothing. I can't wait. Wonder if the rocking I do at night in bed to fall asleep is considered self soothing. I've heard it's common for borderlines to rock, but I have yet to meet anyone else that does it. I've been doing it since I was a kid.

I was asked which of the distraction skills I thought I could do over the next week to help with my misery level. I simply told her I planned on staying in bed as much as possible. Certainly wasn't a skill we learned, but if it keeps me safe, what's wrong with doing it?

I have an appointment tomorrow evening to meet with the pdoc about the VNS Therapy. The meeting is supposed to last an hour. Can't wait to find out what we're going to discuss for that long. Heck, I don't think I've ever even met with my own pdoc for that long. Maybe I have, the ECT induced extreme CRS is really fucking me up. I've lost so much memory its not even funny.

My head is killing me and I'm tired, so I think I'll actually head off to bed at a reasonable time for once.


Blogger Shannin said...

Prior to the the Ambien, which is finally working, I would rock myself to sleep or rub my leg back and forth across the sheets to get to sleep... I have been doing that as long as I can remember... Since I was very, very little... Never thought anything of it until now... I actually thought it was, dare I say, normal? ;)

Take care friend...
Big hugs..

9:33 AM, February 15, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sound much better than last time I read your blog. Good luck with your doc, and I hope your head gets to feeling better.

Take care

10:51 AM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger mizeeyore said...

hey whatever works to keep you safe by all means do it.

i also rock back and forth and it's usually when i'm dissociating; it seems to calm me and though i zone out sometimes, it isnt as bad as before.

take care of you!

2:56 PM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger James said...

I think that staying in bed is a good self-soather. Then again I'm just as looney as anyone else so take my words with a grain of salt I guess.

Mostly I meditate and paint for self-soothing as well and getting off but that makes me feel guilty a lot from my Mormon up-bringing so I don't always do that. I have to work on that because DAMN that's always a good relief and a way to feel alive!

3:50 PM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger zooland said...

Sid, I think that you are doing better, and that makes me happy to see. I want you to know that whatever you do to make you feel better, that is good, and ok. I rock sometimes too, actually when things get really bad, I love for my mom-person to rock me, I lay my head on her lap and she just kind of slowly rocks back and forth. That feels good, and helps to distract.

I really hope the VNS thing goes well for you. Like I told you before, I have one, and it makes a world of difference. Good luck and be sure to write on your blog how that ends up being and what you learned, ok? I want to know what you think.

Take care,

7:20 PM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger Dawn said...

hey sid.
oh wow, you got in pretty fast for your VNS therapy appointment-thats awesome. hope you get all your questions answered, and more.

I rock, too, when i can. it drives the boyfriend nuts, though. so, i cant really do it that much, which sucks cause it helps me sleep.

take care :D

11:13 PM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger Cinthia said...

Sid, good job for showing up at Group. That in itself is a sign of improvement!

I like to sing or hum sweet melodies to myself to soothe myself. It doesn't work to put me to sleep, but throughout the day it helps make me feel better about life in general.

I hope you find something to help soothe you, whatever that may be. Take care!

9:50 AM, February 16, 2006  
Blogger borderline savvy said...

Hey Sid. I've been offline for a while. I've heard of the Vagus Nerve, but never therapy for it.

I rock myself too when I am extremely distressed. I didn't know that borderlines tended to do that.

What do they do with your Vagus Nerve? Sever it? Give it an electrostatic charge? What is it supposed to do for you?

Take good care of yourself, my friend. Big hugs!

1:18 PM, February 17, 2006  

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