Didn't completely waste the day
Despite the nausea and chest pains I've been having all day, I managed to do six loads of laundry plus clean the bathroom sink, the mirror and the toilet bowl. Another day not completely wasted even though I slept until 2 pm and I desperately wanted to climb back into bed once I'd gotten out.
I'm hoping the physical symptoms I'm having are merely anxiety attacks and not an indication that my heart is somehow beginning to fail. The chest pains are sporadic and quite strong, but so far I haven't collapsed and died (I'm just not that lucky) so I think it's safe to assume it's nothing major. No, I will not go to the doctor to have it checked out either. All they ever seem to say is I'm fine & it's all in my head. I don't need to pay someone to tell me that, I can simply say it to myself for free.
I felt nothing from the cutting I did this morning, so I'm going at it again. There was no pain as the blade sliced thru my skin. No sense of relief once the blood started to flow. Hopefully I'll feel better this time, though I highly doubt I will. I think the ECT's killed off any glimmer of life left in me. I'm a walking zombie.
2 Comments:
I've spent most of my day sleeping but I'm still dead tired. The tension of the last few days has left me with a sore neck and migraine. Everything feels foggy and out of focus.
I smoke cigarettes that are never enough nicotine for me.
And I also have trouble getting things done ... but I've fed me and the dogs, paid a bill, grocery shopped and watched a movie.
Whatever it is that's slowing me down feels like it's never going to lift but it surely must.
Please take care of yourself and ... just work on getting through one day at a time.
My guess is anxiety attacks but I'm no doc
Be careful cutting
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