Time to post

Guess it's time to finally post something of significance, since I'm calm and shit. Last week was tough as hell on me so I spent as many hours in bed as I could as a way of keeping myself safe.

When I had left the pdoc's office last Wednesday, I'd left the message for my regular pdoc to call me concerning my meds. I gave him plenty of time to respond before I flipped out and he didn't bother, so I called back on Friday. What a disaster that was. With the new Medicaid rules, I needed to get approval from the state to stay on Seroquel. I had gotten my pdoc to fill out the information when I had seen him last on February 3rd. I then had the pharmacy fill out their section and I filled in the rest.

I checked the library and city hall to see if there was a fax machine I could use, but neither had one available to residents. So I ended up giving the information to my sister to fax from her office. She didn't go into work on Monday the 6th, so she had her hubby fax it from his office. The state didn't give me a whole lot of info about what the heck I was supposed to do with the form, but the form was complete and it got faxed to the appropriate number so I figured I'd hear from them within a week or so.

I wasn't sure who to call to find out if it was approved since I hadn't received anything, so I started by calling my case worker at the local public aid office. It took forever to reach him, but he said I should call the state or my doctor's office to see if it was approved so I tried the state first. Loved their message that said due to heavy call volume they couldn't take my call and I should call back during their slowest call times...Thursday and Friday. Hmmm...I was calling on a Friday, go figure. I tried several times to get thru but just kept receiving the same message so I turned to my doctor's office.

The doctor's office tells me that they should have been the ones to send the fax and that they don't receive an approval or denial, I just need to try and get a script filled and if it goes through, then I know it's approved. In order to get a script filled though, I needed to have my pharmacy send a fax to the doctor's office requesting a refill. So I call the pharmacy and ask them if they know if I've been approved to continue on the Seroquel. They said they needed to try filling a script to know that. UGH. Ok. This is starting to get all too complicated because I only had two days left of Seroquel and I needed to get my hands on some more asap so I start wigging out.

In tears I ask the pharmacy to send the fax to my doctor's office and then left a message for my pdoc's nurse to expect the fax. She calls me back and asks me why I didn't leave the form to get approval for the Seroquel for them to handle and I told her because my pdoc filled out the information he needed to, made copies to put in my chart and gave the original back to me. I was never told that their office needed to fax the form, so I did it and faxed it to the appropriate number. Does it really matter who faxes it if all the information is filled out??

She can tell how distraught I'm getting cuz I'm crying on the phone out of sheer frustration, so she says she can probably get me some samples until they can get this all straightened out with the state. I then mention the message I'd left two days earlier with my pdoc about getting back on Valium because my therapist and I were both concerned about the level of anxiety I'd been experiencing since my release from the hospital. She says she'll ask my pdoc about it when he passes by, but in the meantime I should get to their office before 5 pm (it's 4 pm by this time) to pick up the samples of Seroquel, supposedly enough for one month. She said she'd fax the information to the state Monday (today) and try to get the approval from them.

I drive out to pick up the samples and luckily there was a note attached that a script for Valium was called into my pharmacy. I was still stressing, but at least a little relieved that I finally had something to quell the anxiety and panic attacks I'd been having for two weeks. I get home, open the samples, and find that there are 32 - 200 mg pills (32 cuz there are four pills per package). I'm supposed to be taking 400 mgs, so this is not a month's supply. So now I'm left wondering, do I only take 200 mgs a day or take 400 and only have a 16 day supply?

I haven't called yet to ask. I figure I'll just try the 200 mgs and see if it works because I feel like I've already been a big pain in the ass to the pdoc's nurse and really don't want to call them again. All this confusion and stuff is the exact reason why I never like to contact them outside of my regular appointments, but did so because the therapist insisted I do it. Today I did have my sister fax the nurse a copy of what I had faxed to the state so she could see what information I had filled in and that it was sent to the correct number.

So needless to say, after that emotional rollercoaster, it was nice to get toasted on Friday and again on Saturday to help me forget. I resisted the urge to drink again Sunday and today because I do have a tendency to continue to binge drink once I've started. Instead I did all the laundry yesterday and today spent the day with my daughter being incredibly goofy.

We actually had a nice day. My misery was only about a three out of five, the lowest it's been in quite some time. We watched Dr. Phil about the bitches and she starts joking that the first one that's yelling and honking at people reminds her a lot of me. I told her I just have a low tolerance for stupidity and the fact that very few drivers seem to be able to follow the rules of the road. Then we watched a few more shows plus the Olympics, joking about things the whole time.

When I say she's the only bright spot in my otherwise crappy life, I truly mean it. She is the only one that can make me smile, even when I'm soooooooo not in the mood to smile. I love her to death!