Friday, September 05, 2008

Off the sanity chart

Didn't realize it was Friday until 1 am and by then it was too late to cancel my appointment with the therapist without being charged for a missed visit. So I went, hoping that I could just say "Look, I've had a really shitty week and I don't want to talk about it. I get charged if I don't show up so I showed and now I'm leaving." It didn't work out that way.

She persisted in trying to get me to open up about what was going on. Kept trying to trip me up and get me to confess the obvious, that I am increasingly becoming a danger to myself, so she could call 911. At one point she just straight out asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital for "a few days". With the amount of rage I'm feeling, the hospital is the last place I want to be.

I promised her I wasn't going to kill myself, and there is no plan to do that. I will probably just spend as much time as possible in a Seroquel induced coma for the next week and see if I feel better. If I'm not awake, I can't harm myself now can I. After a week of rest, hopefully I will be in a better state of mind where I can accomplish some of the tasks that need to get done this month. Right now, I'm so far off the sanity chart that I can't get anything done and I will only exacerbate the rage if I even try.

2 Comments:

Blogger Deb said...

Sorry to hear that things are so rough right now.

5:09 PM, September 07, 2008  
Blogger Handsome B. Wonderful said...

So I went, hoping that I could just say "Look, I've had a really shitty week and I don't want to talk about it. I get charged if I don't show up so I showed and now I'm leaving."

I feel this way often with my therapist too. And I don't like phone sessions. Ugh. And sometimes therapy makes things worse for me.

I hope that you can find some peace soon.

4:01 PM, September 08, 2008  

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