The right dose

Discovered the right dosage and mix of meds to put me into a coma for most of the day. It was purely by accident and I don't mean a true coma, just an unconscious sleep. I don't feel rested yet. I can still feel the meds swirling thru my system tho not as strongly as they were earlier when I passed out cold.

I was on edge earlier about finally getting the info I need to call the lawyer and was having an anxiety attack about making that call. Before I could make it though, I got a nasty call from what I can only assume is a collection agency trying to collect the $6500 they say I owe on my old Mastercard. I'd just talked to this fuck the night before so I don't know why he called again. He said he was confirming that I was refusing to pay my bill. I told him I wasn't refusing, I just didn't have the income to pay it right now. He started going off on me about how I declined the insurance, yada, yada, yada. I could feel my rage and panic rising so when he wouldn't shut up, I simply tried to say to him that I don't have the money to pay. If they want to consider that refusal to pay then so be it. He still wasn't shutting up, so I was basically talking over him. I told him to proceed with whatever action they needed to take next, told him to have a nice day and hung up on him.

After I got off the phone I was shaking so badly that I decided to take some Valium to calm me down. Unfortunately it kicked in just as I got to my pdoc's waiting room. He noticed right away and asked. Said I looked like I hadn't slept in 2 days or I was high on something. I told him they were both accurate. He wasn't too thrilled about the Valium and he wanted to know where I was getting it from. I didn't tell him anything other than it was someone else's prescription and that I don't have many pills.

After I got home I was still kind of stoned from the Valium, but also still in the midst of a panic attack, so I took more pills from the stash. Nothing lethal, just enough to knock me out. 6 mgs of Valium, 2 mgs of Ativan and 100 mgs of Seroquel. I remember nothing from 4 pm to 6 pm when I was rudely awaken for dinner. I then fell back asleep after dinner and slept til my daughter woke me up to tuck her in at 11 pm. I'm now ready to pass out again, though I will take another 200 mgs Seroquel to be sure I stay out til morning.

The pdoc suggested some operation to implant something in my neck to stimulate the vagus nerve. Said it helps people with treatment resistant depression about 30% of the time. I told him no, that I wouldn't even consider that. Told him just what I said I would and that was that I only wanted refills on Zoloft and Seroquel. He didn't want me to drive home, but I did anyway. I was high, but not so high that I couldn't function. Besides, it would have been a welcome site to be involved in a car accident.

I made it home with no problems at all. I even went to the store after dinner, which was after I'd taken the rest of the meds, and did just fine.