Life...it just sucks

Life sucks today. Just in the general sense, nothing specific. I did manage to balance my checkbook, pay a couple of bills, update my calendar and print up a flyer about the Out of Darkness suicide prevention community walks (click the link and scroll to the bottom of the page to find a walk in your state) to pass out at the NAMI meeting tomorrow. After that, I'm too mentally spent to do anything but I really need to be searching for a lawyer.

I didn't sleep well last night which is probably what's fueling my sucky life stance today. I kept waking up and twice I had to change clothes because I was soaked with sweat. There's no recollection of what I was dreaming about but I do remember it was rather disturbing and whatever it was resumed each time I fell back asleep.

My paranoia has been high the last few days. Keep having these thoughts that my pdoc and therapist are trying to manipulate my mind. That they and others are trying to drive me to suicide because I'm not suicidal and they want me to be to get rid of me. Suspicious of anything anyone says to me.

Oh hell, I'm just going to take a bunch of pills and zone out for the rest of the day.