Saturday, September 03, 2005

Going to tell

Tomorrow we're going to tell the kiddie that her father and I have been working on repairing our relationship. We both agreed the time is right because she knows I've gone out for coffee with him several times. We've always been honest and straight-forward with her, explaining things in terms she could understand based on her age; and we certainly don't want to be secretive now. We will explain that we're taking things slow, and have no intention of moving in together in the foreseeable future. We can't even make any promises that things will eventual work out, but at the very least we are reforging the close friendship we'd always had. If it never progresses beyond that, we'll still remain friends.

I can see the borderline behaviour as it relates to my ex. I know the hateful things I've written about him on this blog, the calling him stupid fuckhead for a long time. Now I've done a 180ยบ and I don't see him with this veil of hatred clouding my eyes. My lack of object constancy is very apparent, he's being judge based on my last interaction with him, which was some awesome sex.

I'm trying to decide how much I can afford to donate to the hurricane relief effort. When I was out earlier driving the kiddie & friends to the movies, I noticed several churches holding fundraising car washes. I have to donate, even if it's a mere $20. I'm hoping I can do at least $100 though. It's hard to want to help, but be so limited in what you can do.

Turns out I do know a few people that live in Louisiana. So far we've only heard from two. Both were able to escape before the hurricane. One is staying with relatives in Baton Rouge and the other is staying with friends in Florida. Both know they've lost their homes and all their possessions. Still waiting to hear from at least two more. I'm considering just sending money to the people I know, that way I definitely know it's going to victims instead of "administrative costs". But the people I know were not poor and have the ability to rebuild their lives without a whole lot of obstacles and I'd rather my money goes to help someone that is poor and desperately needs it.

I know what it's like to be poor and not know where your next meal is going to come from. To worry everyday that tomorrow you'll be homeless. But I can't imagine throwing a catastrophe into the mix and wondering IF I will ever get another meal, plus losing all my possessions and finding myself homeless at the same time. The physical and emotional toll that the survivors are enduring will take years to recover from. My heart goes out to all of them.


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