Thursday, September 15, 2005

Not acting on urge

The urge to cut returned today with a ferocity I've never experienced. So far I've managed to not act on that urge, but it's been very difficult to fight off. Nothing happened to trigger it either which is confusing me. I wasn't feeling overwhelmed or angry or upset about anything, so if something acted as the trigger, it's far too subliminal for me to detect.

Managed to do just about nothing today. Had no desire or motivation for anything so I sat around watching tv and reading a book. I did talk to an online friend for about an hour & a half on the phone. I've known her for years, she's one of the first people I'd ever met online. Since I haven't been spending any time in our chatroom, she was filling me in on all the drama. I find it incredibly amazing how petty and backstabbing people can be. I often wonder if they are this way in real life or simply think nothing of doing it online because everyone is just a "virtual" person and there's no emotional attachment.

Personally, this is the main reason I don't instant message people. There are no social rules for anyone to follow. While most people would never dare insult a perfect stranger in person, it's acceptable to do it online and I believe it's almost expected at times. I choose to keep my distance by only chatting with people in a public room, with very few exceptions. My real life is drama enough for me, I don't want to be sucked into the soap opera these others feel the need to create.


Blogger bia said...

hey how's it goin.
i came across your blog.
good stuff, i like it. you've made it look very nice!

i see you have bpd. i was wondering some things about it. i suspect i may be bpd too. but i'm hesitant about some stuff...

i think i'm crazy and i don't want anyone to find out. do u kno if there's any way for me to do something about it w/o everyone else knowing?

4:48 AM, September 22, 2005  

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