Thursday, August 24, 2006

FOAD You damn tourists

Ah today is FOAD day. Too bad I missed last week cuz I had plenty to bitch about. But don't worry, I haven't forgotten what I wanted to post. This FOAD is dedicated to all the retarded tourists out there. Are you this stupid naturally or do you simply loose IQ points when you travel more than 10 miles away from home? My guess is a combination of the two.

First comes their driving...I swear I just want to pull some of these people out of their cars, slap them incredibly hard upside the head, take their licenses and car keys away, and tell them to fucking walk. What's with driving 15 miles under the speed limit? What's with the stopping in the middle of the road and suddenly trying to pull across three lanes of traffic? The rules of the road don't change people, they're pretty much the same in every fucking state. If you don't know where the fuck you're going, pull over til you figure it out. If you miss your turn, go around the fucking block because I'm not about to stop in the middle of the road for your sorry ass. Hit me or let me hit you, I could use your insurance money. Of course these are the same assholes that can't read the signs on all those two lane highways that clearly state THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING, SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT.

Their stupidity continues even after they've gotten out of their cars. What's with taking pictures of a restaurant? I know it might be some place new for you and you want to show everyone the "neat decor", but really...who the fuck back home cares where you ate, what you ate or even if you ate?? They're probably just glad your stupid ass left home for awhile and secretly they're wishing you wouldn't return.

I know being in an unfamiliar place is confusing, but that does not give anyone permission to be fucking rude. If there's a line of people ahead of you, that means you get at the back of the line and wait. You don't need to jump in front of everyone "to ask a quick question". YES, you do need to wait your fucking turn, cuz if there is a line, it probably is for whatever tourist thingy you're trying to partake in. If I politely tell you to get to the back of the line when you're trying to cut, don't give me the evil eye. Be thankful I was being polite and didn't immediately bitch slap your sorry, stupid ass.

Something I don't understand about tourists is why they're willing to blow their hard earned money on junk. They don't do this at home, but yet while on vacation they're willing to plunk down $20 for a piece of crap they could probably get at a dollar store. "But it's a souvenir" is an excuse I've heard before, either for themselves or someone back home. It's a piece of shit that neither you nor anyone else is going to even remember owning a week from today, so save your money for something else...like buying a fucking clue.

This is another one of those topics I could go on and on about for days, but I'll stop. If anyone reading this does or has done any of this stuff and is offended by what I wrote, I really don't give a shit, fuck off and die.

Just a quick side note, if you're interested in reading all the FOAD posts for today, click on the FOAD link I have in this post and then click on "the list". You can also go to the blogger start page and do a search of the word FOAD. It lists all the blogs that did a FOAD post today, followed by the posts made in previous weeks.

4 Comments:

Blogger Polar Bear said...

hi Sid
Just noticed the books you are currently reading. Dean Koontz and John Saul are two of my favourite authors. And I love Stephen King too of course. I've read every Koontz book there is, but I didn't know about Saul's "Perfect Nightmare" so thanks for informing me about it. I'm gonna place a hold on it at our library.

Take care
Polar B.

3:20 PM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger Jay said...

Best FOAD post I've read today!

7:45 PM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger Ol' Lady said...

so true about stupid tourists, we have alot of them in town. Not only can they not drive they don't know how to stay on the sidewalk of a 4 lane road. I try to avoid town in the summer. Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

9:49 PM, August 24, 2006  
Blogger James said...

Oh I know all about damn tourists living in a town in Colorado at the foot of a famous canyon which is the mouth to the famous Rocky Mountain National Park. They all drive up the canyon doing 10mph looking up the canyon walls for big horn sheep as they drive. It's amazingly frustrating when we're just driving up to the little town near the national park for a day trip to have ice cream or go for a simple hike.

That is why we have our cabin get-away in the winter up there. We get cheaper prices and avoid the door-knobs that flock there in the summer like flies to shit.

My wife knows all about tourist assholes too from growing up in Hawaii. It's sooo annoying when we go back to visit friends.

Great post. I laughed my ass off. I especially loved these bits:

"They're probably just glad your stupid ass left home for awhile and secretly they're wishing you wouldn't return."

and...

"It's a piece of shit that neither you nor anyone else is going to even remember owning a week from today, so save your money for something else...like buying a fucking clue."

I HATE when people bring me back some t-shirt that says boldly the name of the place that they visited. Why the fuck would I want to wear a shirt proudly proclaiming a place I never visited?!!!

1:44 PM, August 25, 2006  

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