Sunday, August 06, 2006

Would things be different?

Finished reading Girl, Interrupted last night. Not sure why I even bothered when there are so many other books I should be reading. This one always leaves me longing to be locked up for a year or two in hopes I'll be "recovered". I know I'd go ape shit after the first few days though and want to get out. I just always wonder what would my life be like now if I had gotten the help I needed when I was still a teen. Would things be different? All the time I waste pondering that particular question I could be using towards making the future better than the present. But it's a question like so many I can't help but dwell on.

Another symptom of my downward spirals is indecisiveness. I'm having a big problem with that today. I've already painted my nails three times, changing because I decided once I was done that I didn't like the color I had chosen. Now I'm about to do it a fourth time. Can't change again because I've run out of polish remover and don't feel like running out for more. So now I'm stuck with a metallic copper color. Would probably look better on someone that has a tan rather than me who glows in the fucking dark.

More later, I'm just too distracted right now.

5 Comments:

Blogger Maggs said...

I really felt like that last summer. i just want some time to myself now. i just don't know how to get it...

9:05 PM, August 06, 2006  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

I haven't read the book, but did see the movie. It's a hard thing to watch. I've had experiences of medium and short term institutionalization, and I have hated every moment of it. It's not an easy place to be. Sometimes I think being in a place like that can be quite traumatic., particularly when restraints and solitary confinement has been administered.

Hang in there - it's better to be in the real world, as tough as THAT is.

9:44 PM, August 06, 2006  
Blogger anna said...

I read that book, but it was so short that it annoyed me. Weird I know. Didn't catch the movie, it's not the kind I like to watch. Life is too much of a bummer to wanna watch movies about people with bad lives like me.

I can't ever make decisions either. Choosing a uniform at night is an ordeal, and I dread it. I wish so much to just be able to pick one out without having to stress about it like it's a decision that my life depends upon.

5:32 PM, August 07, 2006  
Blogger Colleen said...

Girl Interupted made me feel the same way. I'd love to "recover" from having borderline personality disorder. (Ha- fat chance of that!)

**You sound so much like me.** Even when you said that you glow in the dark. I do too. I'm as white as snow.

1:13 AM, August 08, 2006  
Blogger sansanity said...

GIRL... i saw the movie and longed for the same thing...

now to redirect your thinking--
you see the inability to stay with a choice (the nail color) as indecisiveness but i am amazed at your will. something as simple as that would drive me into inaction. i'd just never start, let alone do it more than once.

sans

5:34 AM, August 09, 2006  

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