Another fuck me

I don't even know where to begin. I feel like a fucking asshole. Like a retarded fucking idiot that couldn't buy a clue if it were fucking FREE.

The ex called today, bitching about the cellphone bill. How it's all screwed up and now our phones are shut off because he can't figure this crap out or stay up to date on the payments to save his life. I guess he called in hopes that I'd pay the past due balance so the phones can be turned on. I told him I didn't have any money, so he got even madder.

So he goes off on this tirade about how his life sucks, nothing ever goes right, he should just kill himself, yadda, yadda, yadda. He said he also got some bill from the state saying he owes over $700 in unpaid tolls, but was unwilling to listen to me when I told him to ask for proof of when the tolls weren't paid and that he was the one driving. Maybe they were from before he owned this particular license plate, or maybe they're reading the wrong plate. He was too angry to listen so he told me to have the kiddie call him later cuz they're supposed to be going out early tomorrow and then he hung up.

He then called again after talking with the phone company a second time and said there was nothing he could do to get the phones back on. We just have to wait until he gets paid on Thursday and he'll pay the bill.

I decided to be nice and look online to see if I could figure out what was going on with the bill. I figured it out and called him back with the answer. Not that it matters, but somehow the billing for one month never went out and it doesn't show any charges for that month on their site though apparently there were $180 worth of them. So this balance that's lost in cyberspace on the cell company's computer just keeps rolling over and over as a past due balance, but never gets paid due to a glitch in their system.

While explaining the situation, he gets another call and puts me on hold. It's taking awhile so I hang up, figuring he'll call when he's done, that maybe it was work calling. He calls me back and once again he starts going off about killing himself, life isn't worth it, etc. When I ask what's wrong he won't elaborate. He was calmer just a few minutes ago when I talked to him before this other phone call so I ask in jest if he's having girlfriend problems.

With a virtual slap in the face, he pretty much says yeah. He's been in contact again with the chick he was cheating on me with. I was still under the impression he wanted to work things out with me. We haven't spent a lot of time together because I was under the impression he was working long hours. Apparently he isn't working as much as I thought he was. Guess I should have given him the letter I'd written earlier this year about wanting him to file for divorce. I sure as hell am going to give it to him now.

So I got angry and asked what happened with "working on us"? Why the hell is he bringing all his bullshit to me, if I'm not the one he's interested in being with? Why are his problems always my problems? Why is he asking for my help all the time, financially and otherwise, when he's the one that's supposed to be sending me child support? Why isn't he going to this other bitch with all his crap?

I pretty much hung up on him after that. He did mention something about needing to go back in the hospital before I slammed the phone down. I don't care what the fuck he does with his life. This is the final straw, I'm so fucking done with him. In all honesty....I hope the fucker kills himself. I'm willing to pick up the pieces of my daughter's broken heart afterwards. She isn't that close with him anyway since he doesn't bother spending much time with her. Call me a mean bitch for saying that, but frankly I no longer give a shit.