Sunday, July 23, 2006

Tired of the motions

The black hole of depression is sucking me in again. Bouncing from tearfulness to emptiness to sadness in split seconds. Can't read or hear about anything sad and/or upsetting as it will trigger the tears despite my best attempts to hold them back. Don't want to get out of bed anymore because that means I have to face the day and become painfully aware that I haven't a life worth living, nor do I have a clue how to make one. I'm so tired of going through the motions, of faking everything I do in life except loving my daughter.

That voice is beginning to whisper again. It always starts off so quietly, its call spoken in one word statements like "die". Why does it seem so welcoming, so comforting? Why can't I just refuse to listen?

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sid I'm glad you got through the surgery without complications and your ok but I'm sorry your feeling so poorly right now.
I hope your getting sleep, you need to get some rest and peace.

I hope you can get to feeling better soon, I hate you feeling this way. I do understand what your feeling, never seeming to end, no matter how much better you may feel it comes back and hits you like a ton of bricks.
But hold on and try to rest, things will get better soon ok?

Take care
many huggs
Billy

2:08 AM, July 23, 2006  
Blogger Maggs said...

don't do it. your baby needs you. ignore those voices, those thoughts...

11:14 AM, July 23, 2006  
Blogger James said...

Sometimes staying in bed is the best thing to do. A lot of times I can drag myself to the couch where I cuddle up with my favorite blanket and pop in a good funny movie and zone out. Maybe that would help. :)

Anyway, I realize times like this can be difficult and hard to pull out of so stay with us as best you can and keep talking this out.

We are all here for you sweet one (as you well know). I'm sending you all my love, peaceful energy and support.

8:01 PM, July 23, 2006  

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