Friday, July 14, 2006

Two years

Sunday will mark my second anniversary of blogging. Only seems like a year, but I looked, it has been two already. I'm not going to take a look back at the old posts, not because I'm uninterested in what they say, but because I'm afraid I'll see myself backstepping instead of moving forward. Not something I can handle facing right now, though I'm pretty sure that is what's happening.

The Abilify is still doing its job. Haven't slept in two days. I'm so fucking wired I can't keep anything straight, but I'm getting stuff done. You should have seen me trying to run my errands yesterday. I was all over the map. Not prepared at all, especially to send the portraits of the kiddie to family members. The guy at the post office at least had me laughing at my stupid self cuz I was ready to slap myself for being so disorganized.

Not sure if I ever mentioned my last visit with the retard pdoc that handles the voltage of my implant. Again the first time he turned it up it hurt like a mother fucker. After adjusting the voltage down, it was annoying, but at least not painful. I told him I'd endure the discomfort which feels like I suddenly get a lump in my throat every 5 mins. The guy is now on vacation for a month. Must be nice. I have no idea why it bothers me that he's taking such a long vacation. I'm sure he's earned it. I guess it's because all I see is such a luxury is being funded by those desperate for relief from debilitating mental illnesses. Somehow that doesn't sit well with me. (Insert quote about reality and perception here, cuz for the life of me I can't remember how it goes. Hell does it even apply?)

The ex has me pissed off again, about money. He called and asked if I would pay the past due balance on the cell phone bill so our phones don't get shut off. Fuck me, cuz I did. I do plan to get paid back this weekend though. There's no excuse for him to be behind. He doesn't have any damn bills...UGH! I wanted to rip into him, but I bit my tongue. Supposedly his last paycheck was shorted and they haven't straightened it out. But that's the claim he's making on the cell phone bill too, that it was messed up and he's trying to get it straightened out. I'm beginning to see a pattern. Least he could do is vary his excuses.

Our bankruptcy attorney called the ex. I haven't gotten all the details, because the ex had to get back to work. What I do know is that the attorney fee has been paid in full, now we just have to pay the $299 court filing fees and whatever we'll end up paying for the credit counseling, which should be less than $100. The attorney took care of some law firm that kept making automated calls to my house every day, so those will finally stop. They can't get any money out of me anyway, even if they waste their time & money getting a court judgment. Suppose I should get working on the court papers I have to fill out or we'll never get this thing filed and over with. I still wish I had the ability to simply pay off my debts, but there's just no way. Ms. Two-Time Loser will hopefully learn from her mistakes....but will Mr. Two-Time Loser? Not my problem anymore...HA!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

careful, okay? don't string yourself out too far without sleep ... watch the Boring News on PBS, or maybe C-Span.

7:17 PM, July 14, 2006  
Anonymous Kristina said...

Hang in there. You are such a bright, articulate and deep person. Your blog keeps me going . . .

9:04 PM, July 14, 2006  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

Happy second blog anniversary....

3:26 PM, July 16, 2006  
Blogger Maggs said...

yes, happy 2nd anniversary.

i have so much debt but still paying on it.

5:57 PM, July 16, 2006  

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