No limit

Just when you think things can't get any worse...SURPRISE!! Sadly, there is no limit to the shit that gets dumped on you when you're already suffocating on a burdensome pile of crap. I know this, welcome to my entire life, so why do I always seem to be caught off guard when another load lands on top of me?

What's an even bigger surprise is that I actually told my therapist about some of what's going on. Told her about my car needing brakes, tires and that the clutch is sure to blow soon (I'm surprised I've gotten 8 years out of the original one), and I have no money to buy any of the above. I told her that because I'm so stressed and depressed right now, I'm unable to deal with any of my mail, so I open it, take a brief look at it, and then throw it onto the ever growing pile of bills and other stuff that has been accumulating for the last month and a half. I probably should have mentioned that I haven't balanced my checkbook in two weeks and don't have a clue if I even have any money left in my account, but didn't bother.

The biggest stressor, aside from the fact that I'm slowly sliding into a psychotic break from reality, is the letter I got from Medicaid. They send it every year, requesting info to make sure my daughter and I still qualify to receive it, but this year is different. I know that at the beginning of January my daughter no longer qualifies to receive it because she turns 19. What I've previously been told though, is that I also no longer qualify because I don't have a child that qualifies and somehow they consider the measly Social Security Disability check I get each month to be too much income.

Without having Medicaid, I most likely won't qualify for the extra help I get paying for my Medicare medical and prescription premiums. I will also be required to pay doctors and hospitals the percentage that Medicare doesn't cover, which is 20% for medical and I think it's currently at 40% for mental health. Last year, the total of the premiums and what Medicare didn't pay was more than what my income was for the entire year, by about $6,000. Of course last year was a really bad year cuz I had 4 hospital stays, but still. The year before, when I didn't even have a hospital stay, the total was 1/3rd of my yearly income. There's no way anyone can afford to pay out 1/3rd or more of their income every year just on medical bills.

How do they think I make too much money anyway? I can't even afford a cheap, one bedroom apartment anywhere in the Chicagoland area because it would be at least 50% of my monthly income. No one would even dare rent to me if they saw that. 30% is usually the limit, though sometimes you might find someone willing to rent to you at 35 or 40%. 50%? Yeah, no fucking way you're getting an apartment.

No Medicaid basically means no mental health treatment, which is incredibly ironic since I'm disabled by mental illness. Glad I'm still planning my own demise.