Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Let it be death

Not really sure where to start or what to write about. I've spent the last couple months just going through the motions, faking my way through each day so no one suspects that I'm not well, though I'm not really sure I'm unwell either. I just feel void, empty. I don't care about anything or anyone. My only desire right now is to curl up in bed and forget I even exist. I'm the epitome of "flat affect".

I did give in and see a new pdoc just before Christmas, primarily to get something for the anxiety. He also gave me a prescription for Ambien too. But, as my rotten luck goes, it turns out I'm allergic to it. Joy, of fucking joy. So I'm stuck with the poison Seroquel or I don't sleep, ever. Nice options. I'll take what's behind door #3. Please let it be death, please.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I 100% whole heartedly know what you mean. I just spent the last few weeks faking it until I had a meltdown last weekend. Then I started to take my poison which is Abilify. Though I like it better than seroquel.

I really feel for you right now. Just remember it is actually kind of normal for us bipolar people to feel shitty this time of year. I hope you feel better soon. This to shall pass.

6:16 PM, January 11, 2011  
Blogger [sic] said...

I'm going through much the same thing right now. I just put on my happy face and step into my family life as if nothing were wrong, although nothing could be farther from the truth. When you couple with that the fact that I was off of my meds for a period of time, it's nothing short of of a recipe for disaster.

I am back on the medicated path, but far from feeling fine. However, I tend to agree with "In the Pink" when she says that this too shall pass.

8:05 PM, January 11, 2011  
Blogger Michael said...

I wish I could say something, anything, to quiet your troubled mind.

8:43 PM, January 11, 2011  

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