Monday, December 26, 2005

Thoughts can be deceiving

I thought I was having a good day today, but thoughts can be deceiving. Since dinner my depression has been steadily increasing. Despite the insistence of my therapist that there is always a trigger, there doesn't seem to be an obvious one unless it's related to the Abilify finally being out of my system and the fact that I'm super tired. I actually just woke up from falling asleep in front of the tv while the kiddie was chatting with her friends online.

I had a very nice lunch today with Nicole at Friday's so we could eat, chat and smoke away. When I first went over to where I could have sworn the restaurant was I panicked because I didn't see it. Thought maybe I was completely mistaken that there was even one on that street and then started wondering how in the hell I would get in touch with her to meet some place else. But I just hadn't driven far enough down the block. I felt like an idiot for doubting myself. We had a good time. (Next time we'll go in the evening for some drinks and play NTN, even if we're the losers in the game!)

When I got home I talked to Genelle for awhile online. It's her birthday this Friday, the 30th, so everyone remember to wish her a happy birthday! It's weird how much we have in common considering how completely different our backgrounds are, but it's nice that we have a lot to chat about.

I can feel the depression engulfing me, and as always it's a scary feeling because I know where it goes if I can't find something immediately to counteract it, a distraction. I tried reading for awhile but couldn't concentrate. It pissed me off too because I'm so close to the end of my book and I want to know how it fucking ends already. Maybe tomorrow I can get it finished and start on the second one I have. Should probably try and catch up on my Time magazines at some point too. I now have seven weeks worth sitting here collecting dust with an 8th one sure to be delivered tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll probably take the kiddie to Barnes & Noble so she can redeem her gift card. We also have to go to Target and exchange her Nightmare Before Christmas dvd because it skips at the beginning. She was mad about that. She's asked for this movie for 2 or 3 years now and when she finally gets it she can't watch it because the disk is fucked up. Should also get some thank you cards while we're there.


Blogger izzy said...

Sid, I see you put my blog on your site, thanks! I love going to Barnes and Noble, being a avid reader as I am. And I love the movie, Nightmare Before Christmas! Well talk to you soon. Hopefully you'll feel better and get out of your depression. By the way, my sister bought me a "zen garden." It's really cool. It's a small tray w/sand, rocks, ornaments and a "rake." You make up patterns and move the stuff around. It's really relaxing and used as form of 'meditation.' I love it!

12:59 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger mizeeyore said...


i'm so sorry you're feeling down today. i'm glad we did have a chance to chat, and if you need to talk, i'll leave my Yahoo IM open.

take care of you!

5:59 PM, December 27, 2005  

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