Tuesday, July 17, 2007

AARRGGHH...the frustration!!

If it were legal to hire a hit man, I would have the stupid fuckhead whacked in a heartbeat. It is beyond frustrating to deal with this man because he's such an accomplished liar I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. Lie after lie, excuse after excuse. Every interaction I have with the guy now leaves me wondering...was I completely blind to all his crap before I became suspicious he was cheating on me about six months before I threw him out or was he honest up until that point?

The kiddie had wanted to see him Friday because it was his birthday, but when she called to wish him a happy birthday she only talked to him for a little bit and then hung up. When I asked why she hadn't mentioned wanting to go out together with him, she said it sounded like he was already out with his girlfriend and she didn't want to intrude. Then on Sunday, the day he normally spends with her, I noticed the kiddie getting ready to eat some cereal at around noon. Since the two of them normally go out for brunch, I asked if he was coming to get her. She rolled her eyes and said no, he had a side job to do. From the tone in her voice both days, I could tell she was thinking "it's nice that I hold such a high priority in my father's life".

So today he calls at just after noon, wanting to talk to her so he could take her out because he's off work due to the weather. I reminded him that she's not home, she's where she's been almost every day since the beginning of June, in summer school. Given how quickly he changed the subject after finding out she wasn't here, I can only assume he feigned stupidity about not knowing she was still in summer school in order to talk to me about the bankruptcy and his health since I haven't called him recently to discuss anything other than the stolen $20.

The conversation consisted of him offering up more excuses about why he hasn't gotten his credit reports in hopes that I'll back down on my threat to file without him. If his excuses are true, they are purely his fault for not following up on the matter and I'm not giving him any extra time. My paperwork will be submitted to the lawyer by Friday or Monday at the latest. I'm not waiting on his sorry ass any longer just like I told him last month when I gave him the deadline.

He also said that he finally went to the doctor and they think he may have had a mild heart attack, but that he couldn't find out for sure because he doesn't have health insurance or the money to get the necessary tests done to determine if that is what happened. My initial thought was damn, why couldn't the fucker have had a major heart attack and died. I know that's cold, but I no longer have the ability to care one iota about him, I've endured more than enough of his bullshit. I almost voiced that thought when he then tried to manipulate sympathy out of me for his health problems in hopes of getting me to back down on my demand for child support, a demand I won't drop. I'm sick of his damn lies and excuses for not having money to support his child. Where's the money from the side job he supposedly did on Sunday that prevented him from seeing his daughter? If he's as sick as he claims, how does he have the stamina to work an extra day doing construction when he always claims he's too sick to do a far less strenuous activity like spending time with his child?

By the time I hung up with him, the call was only 10-15 minutes long, I was literally shaking from anger and frustration. I try so hard not to let him get to me. I don't call him, nor do I bother to see him when he does decide to come pick his child up, unless I need to discuss something regarding her. But even with severely restricting contact, he still pisses me off with the lies and excuses he manages to squeeze in each time I do have to speak to him.

It's incredibly hard, but I do keep all my hatred for him hidden from the kiddie. I don't say anything negative about him that will taint her view of him and turn her against him. It is quite tempting to make snide remarks when he's doing stupid shit, but I hold my tongue because it would be totally inappropriate to put her in the middle like that. Even now that she's old enough to see and understand how ignorant, immature and irresponsible he can be, I still don't add my negative thoughts into to the mix. All the anger she's expressed about him comes directly from her own frustrated dealings with him. I just try my best to help her deal with those emotions in a constructive way.

He did come pick her up after she got out of school, but I think his main motivation wasn't to actually spend time with her. I think it was simply to get the card his parents mailed to my house for his birthday since mail delivery to his address is hit or miss (that's what happens when you're irresponsible and don't put in a change of address when you move), a card he knew contained money. I had asked him to take her out driving while they were gone so she could get more practice behind the wheel, but he brought her home about an hour after they left. When I asked if she'd done any driving she gave me an exasperated no, he was "too sick" and wanted to go home.

At this point, given her age, I wonder if she should be the one to decide if and when they spend any time together rather than being under the impression he still wants to see her every Sunday only have him cancel at the last minute half the time. The stupid fuckhead knows that I've had to step out of holding their relationship together because it wasn't my job, but he's done nothing to keep and/or strengthen the bond between them.

This is completely unfamiliar territory for me, so I'm not sure what should be done. I can only think of one person I know whose been through a failed marriage where kids were involved. The divorce was bitter and there initially was a custody fight, but even after all that, her ex still kept in regular contact with his kids and he willingly payed child support.


Anonymous anonymous mom said...

daddy's gonna dig his own grave as far as the kiddie is concerned. i think you're wise to keep quiet and let her figure things out for herself.

it hurts like hell to watch, i know. you don't want your daughter's feelings hurt, but you're right - you can't hold it together for him anymore.

10:24 AM, July 18, 2007  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

I'm sorry, but I have to say this - your ex is scum. I feel really sorry for the kiddie, and for you as well, having to deal with such a loser.

I think minimizing contact with him is a good idea. But I also know there are circumstances where your paths will have to cross. I feel like he is just using your daughter, either to get you to feel sorry for him or get one thing or another from you. I'm glad that you don't fall for that though.

Polar B.

3:19 PM, July 18, 2007  
Blogger sansanity said...

i was in the same boat as your kiddie with my dad. don't force the issue of spending time with him. if she doesn't call him or says no to some of his requests to visit let it be her decision.

every f-day and b-day my mom harangued me to call him. i refused but her constant pressure to made me feel guilty and then resentful towards her--i felt like she was throwing me to the wolf to have my heart ripped out again and again. it also made it harder for me to work out a relationship with him on my terms you don't want to teach her to love simply out of obligation. it is a dangerous ideal that spills over into her romantic relationships.

growing up my mom never said a bad word about my dad. it allowed me to come to my own decision about what an ass he could be. even when i decided he was an ass she did not bad mouth him nor add to my anger with her own. after i was like 30 she changed and began bad mouthing him. it made me feel split in 2.

12:26 AM, July 19, 2007  
Blogger nadcesca said...

She is old enough to make her own decision. SInce you are meeting your lawyer ask him about it. I'm glad you don't talk trash about your ex to your kid. I know how hard it is. My ex was a scum bag until last x-mas. He did a complete turn around and now have the custody of our 12 years old child. But that is only because I saw the change he made and how wonderful he was trying to be a good dad for his daughter (from another relationship before me) . So I gave him a chance. But your ex will not change soon enough. Your daughter is old enough to make her own decision. Take care and try not to let him get to you! Hugs

8:37 AM, July 20, 2007  
Blogger Marie said...

Your daughter is old enough to decide if she wants a relationship with her father. Focus your precious energy on more important things. He is not worth spending any more of it on him.

12:06 PM, July 23, 2007  

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