Cleared the air

Spent the day at my sister's house for my niece's birthday. I did pretty good for most of the time I was there. Socialized more with my brother-in-law's relatives than my own, which has never happened before. My daughter did that as well and I think we both walked away from the experience with a renewed appreciation for what we share together as a family. Sure we've hit a few rough patches, most of which have been in the last year, but all and all, we've got a good thing going on.

The kiddie and I talked for a long time Thursday afternoon about what happened, something I didn't include in my last post that I probably should have. We both voiced our thoughts and feelings about what transpired and why. We cleared the air and have moved on with life, hopefully both a little wiser.

We normally spend a lot of time each day talking about anything and everything. She knows that no subject or question is taboo, which left me puzzled about Joel's comment regarding opening the channels so she isn't afraid to ask me stuff. I kept wondering how to apply that when the channel is already open. Normally parents aren't too involved in the lives of their teens and teens like it that way. But my daughter is eager to share her thoughts, opinions, questions and what her & her friends are up to without me having to pry it out of her.

I kept coming back to the thought of why would she be afraid to tell me anything when she readily shares so much. Why would she be afraid of me yelling at her when I rarely ever do it, even when she has done something wrong that might justify that type of reaction. When dealing with her, I remain acutely aware of how quickly my emotions can go off the chart and because of all the verbal assaults my mother made upon me, I refrain from being reactionary when she's done something wrong. I step back and take a moment or two (or even three) to rein in my emotions so that I can calmly and rationally discuss what happened.

Since she's afraid to confront her father when he pisses her off or upsets her in some way because he has responded in anger the time or two that she has said something to him, I can only assume she carries that same fear towards me. Maybe I've failed to let her know that it is perfectly natural to get angry and upset with your parents and that it is okay to let them know about it. Failed to reassure her that just because we provide a united front when it comes to parenting her, that doesn't mean I will respond as he does.

Maybe I need to be more forthcoming to her with how I'm feeling and why, particularly when I am outwardly showing anger (like when I was frustrated with the puppies going to the bathroom on the floor after having sat outside with them for half an hour which was the anger that she brought up that made her afraid to tell me she lost the $20).

So that's what I'll be working on, the adjustments I'll be making so that she will hopefully be as willing to come to me with the bad stuff in the future as she currently is with the good stuff.