More skeletons from his closet

Once again I was searching for old files that I could delete in order to free up space on my hard drive and once again I came across old emails from when the ex owned this computer. This time though, instead of sent or received ones that were still readily accessible if you opened Microsoft Outlook, these were supposedly "deleted" emails that got saved into a file on the hard drive. I'm not talking forensic computer stuff where somewhere on the computer everything you've ever typed, every website you've ever visited, etc., is secretly saved. I'm talking about a standard file in the Outlook program that is relatively easy to find. I'm betting most people don't even realize it's there. I'm also willing to bet that a whole lot of people that use Outlook for their email could easily get busted for their bullshit if this file gets discovered and read...like my cheating, lying ex.

I found them last night, so I've had time to let go of the initial rage I felt towards the stupid fuckhead (yes, I am returning to calling him that because that is exactly what he is), the woman he cheated on me with at the end of our marriage and at myself as well for having allowed myself to be suckered by the stupid fuckhead on multiple occasions.

These emails go back a couple of years to when he and I decided to work on reconciling our marriage. Instinct said I shouldn't do it, but I did still love him and I'd hoped we could make our family whole again. For anyone else ever considering this, learn from my mistake...DON'T DO IT!! Especially if the split was the result of cheating and lying, because that saying is so fucking true it's not even funny...once a cheater, always a cheater.

Turns out the whole time he was supposedly trying to "reconcile" with me, he was actually telling the other woman how much he loved her and that she was the only woman for him. His story to me of course was that they had broken their relationship off long before he decided to work things out with me. So he was literally and figuratively screwing us both at the same time. It does make me happy that she was getting fucked over by him as well, cuz she deserved it.

I'm not going to let the anger about this latest discovery eat at me though. Instead I'm using it to further motivate me to get this ass out of my life and force the child support issue. Since I gave him a deadline for getting the bankruptcy stuff to me, I'm going to stick with it. But I'm also sticking by what I told him about not hounding or reminding him about it. He probably hasn't kept track and doesn't even realize he only has two weeks left before I go ahead and file on my own.

On Sunday, when he picks up his daughter, I'll ask for the child support money he promised to give me weekly. If he claims he doesn't have it, first thing Monday morning I'm contacting the Dept. of Human Services to get them involved in forcing him to pay up.

Based on past history, I'm assuming he won't meet the deadline for the bankruptcy, so I will be filing alone. The minute I get a court date scheduled for that, I'll be in contact with a divorce lawyer to begin preparations for the long overdue divorce. Once my debts are discharged and I no longer share any financial liabilities with him, the divorce proceedings should go very quickly. As a bonus, all the emails I now have will be great in proving infidelity should I need to go that route.

I do still have some anger from all this that I haven't let go of, stemming from his comment after we split that our daughter shouldn't live with me because he was afraid she'd "learn to be borderline". I know I've mentioned this in other posts because I thought then (and still do) that it was a completely ludicrous statement. It was ok that I was screwy in the head & depressed but yet still managing to be a great parent during the first 11 years of her life because I didn't have a diagnosis. But once I got one, and knew exactly what was wrong and started getting treatment for it, suddenly I'm unfit to be a mother. Typical ignorant response regarding mental illnesses.

Instead of "learning to be borderline" as he so insultingly suggested, she's actually proven to be more like him than I ever thought. Her one major flaw is the lying she's seeing a therapist for and there continually seems to be more evidence pinpointing to exactly where she got that from, which certainly wasn't me. Since he is bipolar, I've done research online about the relationship between bipolar and lying. While lying isn't one of the criteria for the diagnosis, or even considered a symptom of it, many of the articles do mention a correlation between the two. I'm not one to automatically believe anything I read online though, so I plan to discuss this with the kiddie's therapist and get her feedback on it. Unlike him, I think I actually have a legitimate cause for concern about her mental health, and it definitely isn't anything she's learned from me.