Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Disturbing dreams

Last night was dreadful. Every other hour I woke in a panic from having one disturbing dream after another. I've had flashbacks to the most horrific one all day, one in which I was being sexually assaulted by two cops. I woke when I actually started choking on some vomit, the stomach acid burning my throat as I gasped for air. This was an apparent physical response to the last thing I remember from the nightmare itself, vomiting when one of them shoved their nasty penis in my mouth.

The whole night played out like that. I'd be trapped in a nightmare and finally wake when something happening in my dream state triggered a response outside of it. One time I was screaming in my dream only to be woken by the sound of my actual screams. Another time I dreamt I was being kicked in the back by a man that had stabbed me repeatedly and was checking to see if I was dead. I woke because it literally felt like someone was really touching my back. I laid there for at least half an hour once I was awake, paralyzed by fear because I couldn't discern if it was just a dream or if there really was a man in my bedroom.

Yesterday as a whole was a really stressful day for me because of something that happened with the stupid fuckhead ex and I wonder if that stress was the catalyst behind the night from hell. Not knowing the answer to that is what's going to keep me awake all night tonight. I'm not willing to risk a repeat.