Friday, December 12, 2008

Another cancellation

There are a lot of things in this world that I cannot tolerate, many because of my personality, many because of my mental illnesses. But there are some that I can't tolerate merely because I'm human. One such thing is double standards.

Why is it that I get charged if I cancel on my therapist without giving 24 hours notice, yet she can cancel on me with less than an hour's notice without any repercussions? I should send her a bill for the emotional suffering I endure each time the bitch fucking does this to me. The increase in anxiety and rage, knowing that I spent all week prepping myself for my appointment, only to have it all be for nothing. Therapy is not easy for me. I don't enjoy it, especially at a time when I'm already swimming in an emotional sewer of negativity and struggling to not take my own life.

It was bad enough that I had to move my appointment from our regular noon time to 10:30 am, a shift in schedule that is difficult to make because of my mental illnesses and the rigid black and white thinking that goes along with them. But to receive a phone call 20 minutes before I'm set to leave the house in order to get to her office on time is inexcusable. If it were an occasional thing, once or maybe twice a year, I'd be more willing to overlook it and accept that shit happens. However, she cancels appointments with me, on average, at least once a month. In almost a year, I have cancelled on her once (because I had the flu and laryngitis), despite wanting to cancel on her just about every damn week. She has done this to me at least 10 times.

I'm fighting the urge to call her voice mail and leave a profanity laced rant about how pissed off I am that she continually cancels on me and ending it by telling her to shove her fucking therapy and fake emergencies up her fucking ass. I was already on the verge of quitting therapy again, she just moved me all the more closer.


Blogger Anonymous Drifter said...

I'd be angry too if I was cancelled out on as many times as you. You're right, there is a double standard.

11:51 AM, December 12, 2008  
Blogger Immi said...

Good grief, she cancels on you a lot! Rotten double standard.

11:12 PM, December 12, 2008  
Anonymous Barb said...

It's not your personality or mental illness talking -- it's your humanity. You have every right to be angry.

And you're right: if she cancels at the last minute a couple times a year, that's understandable. They have lives, too, which means unexpected shit comes up as well. But for her to be canceling as often as she does is unprofessional.

Yeah, it sucks that we're charged if we cancel without 24 hrs. notice, but I guess it's because again, they have lives too, which means they need to eat, etc., and could have scheduled someone else in that slot.

I'm not defending the 24-hr. policy, just trying to see it from the other side of of the coin, and again -- from the point of view of someone who cancels occasionally, not from someone who cancels often and at the last minute.

It seems that by canceling as often as she does, your therapist is undermining your recovery. Believe me, I totally understand how much emotional and other preparation goes into just forcing myself to keep my appointments -- to leave the frickin' house when it's time to go! I hate to say this, but for her not to see how much you end up paying emotionally doesn't sound like she's a very good therapist.

12:17 PM, December 13, 2008  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

She doesn't sound like a good therapist to me either. I think it's not fair that she cancels so regularly. I would be pissed too.

6:21 PM, December 14, 2008  
Blogger Handsome B. Wonderful said...

So true about the double standard. My therapist lately has been acting like she's doing me a favor in listening to me during therapy.

I also get the impression that she's bored of me. That really messes up my self-esteem when my therapist doesn't even want to listen to my shit.

2:58 PM, January 08, 2009  

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