Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's part of her job

Met with my therapist today instead of our usual Friday time, because, well....I wasn't supposed to be here on Friday this week. I was supposed to be on my way to South Carolina. I talked to her briefly in the hospital to set up the appointment, but no other topic was brought up. She didn't ask how I was doing in the hospital and I didn't tell her, so this was the first time I've really talked to her since the end of February.

She praised me for not only having the strength to go into the hospital, but for also trying to call her before I did, even though my attempt to reach her was futile. Her comment went in one ear and out the other. Any recognition from her for supposedly "doing the right thing" seems empty, generic. I'm sure she says the exact same thing to her other patients. It's part of her job as a therapist.

I let her know that I'm still struggling to gain some semblance of stability in the real world, that I've had a couple of breakdowns since leaving the hospital. She asked if I'd be interested in doing their new partial hospitalization program from 9 am to 3 pm. I've done the one that's held at the hospital before and didn't get much out of it, but this is a different one that's off-site. I told her I'd be willing to talk to the admissions coordinator, but until I knew what the program entailed, I wasn't going to agree to do it. She told me she'd write up the referral today and I should hear from someone in the next day or two.

I'm assuming they'd want me to start this program immediately, but that's not really an option. Next week is Spring Break and even though we're not going to Myrtle Beach, we are still planning to do stuff in and around Chicago, so I can't be in some program all morning and half the afternoon. Since I can't start right away, I suspect they'll tell me that I'm not eligible to do the program or they'll try to convince me that being in the program is more important than being with my daughter. I just spent nearly 2 weeks away from my baby, I think it's crucial to both of us that we spend the next week together.


Blogger Barb said...

Though I've been seeing my current therapist on and off (mostly off) for over a year now, I told her that whenever she praises me -- for anything -- it doesn't sound genuine. Not only that, I feel like it raises expectations (hers, mine) of myself. Mind you, the last therapist I have, I had since '95!

Now that I'm doing somewhat better, I can see the praise is real and don't feel those expectations. Even she reminds me to give myself credit just for getting out of bed and getting to my appointments.

But yeah, she probably says that to all of her clients! Still, I don't know if my change in perception has to do with the doing better part or the knowing her a little better part.

Man, I haven't done partial in forever! I hope it works out for you one way or the other.

6:57 AM, March 19, 2009  
Blogger Anonymous Drifter said...

I can understand your concerns about partial hospitalization. I've always been hesitant to go into the hospital because I never really found it helpful. Around here there is nothing to do all day as they have no programs set up within the psych ward. You just sit there all day with your thoughts. Maybe your set-up is different and you'd get something out of it that would be beneficial.

7:35 AM, March 19, 2009  
Anonymous The Real Gal said...

Thank you for sharing. I too CANNOT accept praise or people thanking me for something. Too difficult at this time. I am also a observer of facial expressiona and body and if you give me the wrong look, I will shut down. But, these are all being worked on with me in t, so there is hope.

5:42 AM, March 21, 2009  

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