Seeing right through me

"You look tired. Are you okay?"

That's the number one sentiment expressed by so many people around me the last couple of weeks, it's getting tiring just hearing it. Even people that don't know me, like the cashier at the grocery store, say the same thing. Of course we all know that "you look tired, are you okay" is the politically correct version of "you look like absolute shit, but I really don't care to hear what's going on".

Why can't people just be honest? When the roles are reversed, I usually just come right out and tell someone they look like shit. I don't mess with semantics. If I notice someone is not doing well, I'm going to straight out tell them so and ask what's wrong. If it's none of my business, tell me it's none of my business. Just don't ever tell me you're "fine" because I know that's a load of bullshit.

I'm desperately struggling to hold on until Monday or Tuesday of next week. Desperately trying to adhere to the commitments I've made each day until then. Apparently I'm also desperately failing to put up the front that I'm strong enough to make it until then because everyone is seeing right through me.

At this point, all I know is that I have to put up a stronger front, at least on Thursday when I see my therapist this week. I cannot risk having her try to get me admitted to the hospital before next week, it just can't happen.