Drug from hell

Life is moving in slow motion. Most of the time I feel bored as hell, impatiently waiting for the next moment to get here. Unfortunately, once that moment does get here, it's usually a crappy one and I'm left wishing it hadn't happened. There's just no pleasing me.

I haven't taken any Seroquel in about a week. Instead I've switched to a cocktail of one or two Doxepin AND two Benadryl. Originally it was just the Doxepin, but I was starting to go bat shit from lack of sleep cuz it wasn't making me sleepy at all. A couple of nights ago, after a sneezing fit, I added the Benadryl in and wham, I actually fell asleep. Tried it again the next night and surprise, I fell asleep again.

While the current cocktail does allow me to fall asleep, all I can think is "at what cost"? I'm now downing more medication than just the one pill of Seroquel. Sometimes that combo of 3-4 pills doesn't even work, so I dip into my Valium stash. I'm not getting enough sleep overall and wake up multiple times during the night. I can also tell that I'm not getting any of the deep REM sleep every person needs to keep them from going off the deep end.

Thoughts of whacking myself in the head with a sledgehammer run rampant, as if that's the only way to reach the state of unconsciousness I desperately need without the Seroquel. Luckily I'm not aware of there being one of those nifty tools anywhere in the house or garage and I've managed to contain the urge to look. I've also considered just taking the Seroquel, but my brain keeps reminding me how poisonous it thinks that med is, so I haven't been able gain the mental strength to swallow it.

Wonder if I can sue AstraZeneca (the pharma company behind Seroquel) because their drug has irreparably damaged my brain chemistry. I wonder how many other people this has happened to. And here I thought Paxil was the drug from hell...little did I know.