Wednesday, March 24, 2010

When all else fails

...there's always self-injury, even if it only offers a temporary reprieve from the raging beast within. With the way things have been spiraling so far out of control over the last month and the level of absolute desperation I've reached, I'm going to refrain from mentally chastising myself for relapsing. I know I chose the lesser of two evils.

I also chose to seize the only moment of apparent sanity I've experienced in a very long time, the only moment when the evil inside quieted down because it felt it had finally won the battle for my soul, to reach out to my therapist and plead for help. Of course the minute I did that, the voice was suddenly there again, roaring through my head, setting off the panic, the paranoia, the regret and sending me tumbling back into a swirl of confusion. What thought is genuinely mine and which belongs to the hellion that has taken up residency in my head? The thundering noise makes it impossible to decipher real from imaginary.

Anyway, on a lighter note, if people told you that you were crazy and paranoid for thinking that psychiatry is in bed with Big Pharma, here's some proof they really are...

Top US psychiatrist calls for ethics cleanup

I especially cringed at the line "one study found that 90 percent of the advisers who help write
American Psychiatric Association guidelines had undisclosed financial ties to industry". Talk about a huge conflict of interest. How is that even legal?


Blogger She Who Is said...

Girl, I'd give about anything to pull you the fuck out of your own head. Maybe meds that do that are what you need to be requesting. I know you hate meds but there has to be something out there that can help you. And maybe those will be the kinds you end up not hating. I'm rambling. Sorry.

7:45 PM, March 26, 2010  

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