La di da di da
After putting it off for as long as I possibly could, I finally filled out the paperwork I'm required to for Social Security to decide if I'm still too insane to be out in the workforce. The first page is easy...check this or that box. The second page is where I always get panicked and confused even though there are only two questions...Have you received treatment from a doctor or clinic? Have you been hospitalized or had surgery?
Things would be so much easier if the SSA could just call their buddies over at Medicare and get a print-out of all my claims for the time period they want to know about. Especially since the explanation of benefits from Medicare is what I have to use myself in order to provide the dates they're asking for. I can barely remember yesterday, I haven't a clue what treatment I received a year or two ago.
Page 1 only took 5 minutes to complete. Page 2 took 7 hours, though I suppose at least 2 of those hours were spent dissociating and another 2 spent trying to get my mind to focus on the task at hand instead of on everything else...like the mess that is my desk, the fact that I should probably eat sometime today, wondering if I even ate yesterday, is today Tuesday or Wednesday, I should shower but that takes too much energy, la di da di da.
Again with the mixed state.
Anyway, I also debated for a while on whether or not to include the fact that I regularly feel homicidal when I have no choice but to leave the house. I don't think I'd ever actually kill someone, but I have to say, the urge can be overwhelming. Figured it'd be best to just leave that little tidbit out though. Even if it would most likely guarantee instant approval to keep me on disability, I already think the government is keeping tabs on me, I'm sure I'd be under 24/7 surveillance if I told them that.
Speaking of insanity, here's a website that's really popular right now:
Live The Sheen Dream
I know something is seriously wrong with the guy, but some of his quotes are just so far out there you have to laugh...if only to hide the nauseating feeling that the guy is a ticking time bomb on the verge of exploding any minute now. He actually reminds me of my ex, A LOT.
4 Comments:
God, I hate paper work. The shit I have to fill out every 6 months to stay in therapy is bad enough.
It's just as bad in Britain - especially now that we're living in a new age of austerity.
Many people unable to work due to mental health problems receive Incapacity Benefit (as do people with physical health problems). To continue receiving this benefit, individuals would periodically have to fill out a long and complicated form, and this might be followed up by a personal interview to verify entitlement.
Incapacity Benefit is now being replaced by Employment and Support Allowance. This means that many people now have to be reassessed, and that involves an interview with an unsuitably qualified person who will be rewarded for every person he/she can designate as "fit for work" (so there's an insentive to overlook the impact of serious health problems).
I don't know what the situation is with Social Security in the US, but we're all living in hard financial times, and support for mental illness is suffering.
Anyway, I wish you all the best - form-filling while trying to maintain both honesty and a sense of self is not easy.
David Austin
Author, "Delivered Unto Lions"
www.davidmarkaustin.blogspot.com
That sounds so stressful!! It gives me flashbacks of my own process of filling out paperwork to get on disability. I nearly had an episode in open court!!
I dread having to refill it all out like you are doing now. I wish our society would actually listen to doctors instead of lawyers and judges. I hope the paperwork goes through o.k.
I just had to do the insurance shuffle due to changing jobs ... not only the paperwork, but the pressure knowing that one mistake or one wrong answer can fuck up your life for a long time. College? No problem. Health Care? Panic attack. ... and so I procrastinate and pretend the problem will solve itself (they never do).
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