Sunday, February 27, 2005

Scared 'em away

Think I've managed to scare everyone away from reading this damn thing. Hell, if this were someone else's blog, I would have stopped reading it too. It's too damn depressing and stressful to read about someone that constantly wants to die. But alas, I started this thing to write about what I was feeling & dealing with, unfortunately it's mostly been negative stuff. But I'm trying to hold myself together.

My headache finally subsided, after 4 days. Think that's my new cue that I'm about to get my period. It's the only symptom I had this month. Didn't bloat or get sore boobs or anything else that normally would signal the dreaded day was coming. Just had that nasty dull ache that got worse each day until the day I got my period. Then I got to exchange the headache for cramps...oh fucking joy! It really sucks being a woman. Wonder if it's too late for a sex change.

Got out of the house yesterday. Took the kiddie to an antique mall and spent about 3 hours just wandering around looking at stuff. I bought a pair of earrings I just had to have, though it's been at least a year since I've even worn any. They were just too pretty, I couldn't pass 'em up. Also bought an emerald green vase, not that I ever buy flowers that I'd need a vase for, but was too pretty to pass up. The kiddie picked out a pink, glass, dolphin paperweight. We then went to the movies and saw the Wedding Date. It was an entertaining movie, but after it was over the kiddie took the words right out of my mouth when she said "too bad love doesn't happen like that in real life". Sigh, it sure as hell doesn't.

Speaking of love...I got an email from the ex thanking me for being there when he needed me and that he's sorry he hasn't talked to me much lately. Guess he hasn't noticed that I've been avoiding him as much as possible anyway. I don't want to talk to him, I have nothing to say. A part of me still wants to write him an email asking him to explain all the "why" questions that I have for him, but it just doesn't seem worth it. Think the only reason I even want to is to feel like I've gotten some closure to the whole situation. Though I know it's only likely to cause more pain which is why I haven't done it. Ignore it and eventually it'll get shoved to the back of my mind where I won't think about it so often. That's how I'm trying to deal with it, that's the only way I know how to deal with anything.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read this thing there!! Sometimes, my only thought is "That sounds exactly like me!". But, I have told you that a million times, so I don't comment it yet again. Maybe if I had suggestions on how I handled things, I could comment on that. Sadly, I have no suggestions, as I am just as sick.
I am now at:
Take care!

11:26 AM, February 27, 2005  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

I'm here, Sid. I've just been lurking.

I don't know what I can say to make things better for you, and so most of the time all I can do is read your entries.

6:48 PM, February 27, 2005  

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