Distraction...ha

Tried to keep myself busy today to no avail, so much for the distraction theory. The kiddie and I went out to Barnes & Noble so she could use her gift card. I really shouldn't be in stores when I'm depressed because I thought buying something would cheer me up. So I bought 'The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe'. It's a nice leather bound book with gold edging around the pages and a ribbon to mark where you left off.

Probably shouldn't have bought it because I am officially down to $10. Yep, that's $10 combined total in my checking account and cash on hand. Would have another $20, but that's how much the book cost. The ex also met us at the book store cuz he needed to borrow some money til tomorrow when he gets paid on a side job he did, so there went another $15. Hopefully he'll be able to pay me tomorrow and won't make up some excuse why he can't meet up with me.

After the book store it was off to Target to buy thank you cards, veggies for the bunny and to exchange a dvd that the kiddie got that skips. They didn't have any more of the movie at the first one, so I went back out after dinner to another one and found it. Only had $10 left in my pocket to spend at Target and I spent $8.50, cuz yanno, I just had to buy 3 fucking bags of candy cuz they were 50% off.

So that's how I currently only have $10 to my name. Loaning money to the ex, buying a book I didn't need nor could afford, and wasting some on junk food that I don't need to be eating cuz I'm already a big fucking fat cow. I really hope social security pays us early cuz it's been nearly 5 weeks since our last payment on the 1st. I need to get my car payment mailed before it's past the grace period and they charge me for it being late. It hasn't been late yet, I don't want to start now cuz I fucked around with my money in stupid ways.

I'm currently in "I fucking hate myself" mode. I hate myself for not having money, I hate myself for being depressed, I hate myself for every fucking little thing today. I even hate myself for being an idiot and posting to this fucking blog while I'm so fucking pissed off.