Searching thru the clutter

Rather than reading everyone else's blogs I've been perusing my own the last couple of days. Feels as if though I'm searching for something, but what I have no clue. Maybe some recognition that I'm the one that's actually written all these posts. Possibly looking for the missing link, the one that will move me in the right direction. They say what you search for is usually right under your nose. The only thing I find under my nose is a disaster area my daughter has made of my usually OCD clean and organized desk.

So much stuff. Stuff without a home. I hate stuff. It's clutter and I can't handle clutter. A bag of candy, two cans of silly string, an empty pop can, earrings (ok, some of those are mine), pencils, photographs, the belt to the robe she insisted she needed but never wears, a dolphin statue, empty boxes which once contained her digital camera, her cellphone and her i-pod, a pair of jeans, a balloon, several cd's, a crayon sharpener, a dozen or so issues of Alternative Press, a 2006 Green Day calendar, a ball of yarn, a pair of arm socks, an electrical cord to gawd only knows what, an empty glass, a box of cards from her Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit game, a used roll of film, a bottle of bubbles in the shape of a dolphin, some weird fairy figurine, a Chicken Little bobble-head that was on her birthday cake two months ago, stickers, a pair of shoelaces, a bottle of black paint, a belt she never wears, the guitar songbooks I bought her for xmas, the signs that her friends adorned her locker with for her birthday, her 7th grade yearbook, the Pirates of the Caribbean dvd. And so much more.

I know I could tell her to clean it up. Insist that she clean it up before I play chauffeur ever again or give her any money. I guess I just have skewed priorities. She's a teen. She gets straight A's. She's a great kid. She's loving life. Loving life....that's what I feel her priority should be. You only get to go through it once, I want her to have as much fun as possible. Is she lacking in responsibility? Not really, school is her biggest responsibility and she's acing it, excelling far beyond most kids her age.

How did I get here anyway? I started searching my blog and now I'm gazing around at the cluttered desk. Sometimes my mind takes a ride all on its own and I just follow along. Luckily today, it didn't take me to the depths of despair. I should be thankful for that.