Greatest battle

My greatest battle lately hasn't been the medications and all the issues surrounding my non-compliance. It isn't that I'm not progressing anywhere with therapy or struggling with the homework my T gives me each week. It hasn't even been related to my ex.

The demon I'm at war with most right now is #4 on the list of diagnostic criteria for borderline:

4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

I am absolutely out of control with my spending when I can least afford to be spending any money at all. Between the NY/NJ trip, concert tickets for both Warped Tour and the Projekt Revolution tour that Linkin Park is headlining (not sure why I needed to get tickets to that cuz I just friggan flew half way across the country just to see them 3 wks ago, but I did manage to land 5th row tickets in the LPunderground pre-sale so I'm excited), cds, clothes and other assorted purchases, I'm broke. I cleaned out what little savings I had and have just enough money left in my checking account to make my car payment.

There's a problem there though. If I make my car payment, I have no money for gas, food or other possible necessities until I get my June check. On the flipside of that, I must make my car payment because I can't afford to have that come out of next month's check because I already have additional expenses to pay for in June that I don't usually incur...$250 for my half of the kiddie's driver's ed lessons and $200 towards the summer school class she desperately wants to take so she will advance a year ahead in math to insure that she gets to take both AP Statistics and AP Calculus while still in high school (yes, she's a weird kid that's driven to excel in school and willing to give up most of her summer to do it, there's no way I'm going to tell her she can't).

I really need to hit the lottery, or come into some free money somehow and quick. Might just have to sell the Linkin Park tickets on eBay. I just checked & someone is selling similar tickets in the 6th row for $500. Can't really sell them though until I have them in my hands and I don't know when they'll get here. I know I wouldn't buy them from some random stranger on eBay unless whoever had them was going to be sending them to me immediately.

When I was still married I wasn't the spender cuz my ex was too busy spending all of our money and then some. Guess I'm making up for all those lost years. Shame on me for not being able to control the impulse.