My choice

Didn't show up today, just as I told her I wouldn't. Half expected to receive a phone call or nasty email from her, but thankfully not a word. I'm sure I'll get the cold, informal letter that I got from my last therapist in October of 2006....

"It has been a couple of weeks since our last session, at which time you left without scheduling another appointment. Since I have not heard from you, I am uncertain whether or not you wish to continue treatment. It is our agency's policy to consider your case 'closed' if no services are being actively provided. Please call me if you wish to continue therapy services. Should I not hear from you within 7 days of the above date, I will assume you are not interested and you will be formally discharged."

A letter that didn't need to be sent because when I left, I made it clear I wouldn't be returning. A letter that needn't be sent this time either because I again made it clear I would not be going back. Think they send it simply to place all the blame on me as the patient. I'm the crazy one that isn't seeking treatment. It's never that they manipulated me into leaving by making it clear they're giving up on me because I'm untreatable.

I do keep going over something she said last week as I was trying to leave. Her statement about how if I didn't show up today that it was my choice. She of course stressed the "my choice" part of it. The more I think about it, the more I believe that is actually the best advice she gave me during the entire year I was seeing her. My. Choice.

It's my body. My mind. My life. My death. MY CHOICE. No one else has the right to tell me what I can and can't do with it.