Vacant yet full

Today is one of those days where if I couldn't hear the thoughts echoing so loudly through my own head, I would swear my brain leaked out of my skull while I was sleeping. It's such a strange feeling to try and describe. A contradiction of being vacant yet full, dead yet alive.

I received a call from my pdoc's office earlier, letting me know they had the letter I need from him for my new therapist stating I'm "med compliant". Requiring this letter actually is the clinic's policy since I don't see one of their pdocs. What I don't get, and I've probably mentioned it before, is why they need this letter. What would they do if someone didn't take any meds, didn't see a pdoc? Would they refuse to treat them? Can they refuse to treat them since it's an individual's choice of whether they want to be medicated or not? And how would my pdoc know if I really am med compliant? He writes the prescriptions, but he doesn't know if I fill them, he's not here to see if I'm taking them. Why can't they just accept my word that I'm med compliant since that's all they're really getting from my pdoc anyway...my word.

Another confusing thought that I've wondered about for a long time is the term "behavioural health". The psychiatric hospital I was in is called a "behavioural health" hospital. Doesn't that term fly in the face of the research that says mental illnesses are biological in nature, just like other medical illnesses? Whenever I see that term "behavioural", I think it's degrading to people with mental illnesses. It's as if they're saying we simply need to behave better and then we'll magically be cured. Would they say that to someone with cancer? "Your behaviour needs adjusting, and if you'd just do that, you won't lose your left breast to this disease."

Guess I'll go ponder the other weird questions swirling around in my head.