Thursday, January 10, 2008

Calmer days

The last couple of days have been calmer. The rage finally receded and I haven't given thought to what transpired on Monday or what I plan to do about it. I'm just taking things one moment at a time and I have other things that require my focus right now instead of dwelling on what happened several days ago. Finally using a skill I learned in DBT, staying in the moment, and while it doesn't feel comfortable because it is so foreign to me, I'm forcing myself to stick with it.

The kiddie and I are both sick with the flu. Really bad timing for it since we have this family party on Sunday with 20 people planning on being in attendance, but I knew we'd catch it. The old people have been sick since they returned from their trip a few days before we returned from ours. Did what I could to prevent getting it. Washed my hands a lot, avoided touching door knobs, etc, etc. Guess it wasn't enough though.

Luckily it didn't hit me until after I'd done all my running around yesterday, ordering cake and food for the party, and after the birthday dinner we had last night with her boyfriend. The kiddie woke up sick with it this morning and stayed home from school. She'll probably stay home again tomorrow too.

The stupid fuckhead didn't attend the dinner. His excuse this time was that he got hurt at work, sustaining a cracked rib and kidney damage. Neither of us know if it's the actual truth, and we don't care either. Up until he finally called her at the last minute, she kept saying she didn't want him there, so she got her wish.

Today I managed to shower and run out to get the rest of the supplies we need for Sunday. The napkins, plates, snacks, soda...that kind of stuff. Figured since I wasn't feeling too awful, having slept until 1:30 pm, that I'd better get it all done in case I feel even worse tomorrow. That will give me the opportunity to stay in bed as needed until Saturday. Hopefully the extra rest will help the flu pass quicker. I'll be glad when I go off this MAOI, cuz I'm not allowed to take most of the over the counter cold & flu medicines. I've just been taking Tylenol for the sore throat & fever and using a saline nasal spray to help with the congestion. Neither provide much relief.

I plan to start going off the MAOI on Monday the 14th. That way, when I see the pdoc next, he can put me right on Celexa or whatever medication we try next without having to wait because the MAOI will already be purged from my system. I do have concerns about Celexa since it warns about taking ibuprofen with it. I take A LOT of ibuprofen each month, and I can't switch to another pain reliever since nothing else works, so that's something I'll have to ask him about.

In addition, I made the executive decision to go off the Cytomel he put me on in November, though he doesn't know about that yet and never suggested I do so. My primary doctor did a full blood work up on me, including thyroid tests and everything came back normal. The more I thought about it, thought about all the problems I actually do have, I figured it wasn't in my best interest to screw around taking a thyroid medication that 1) didn't appear to be doing anything except making me fatigued and worsening my rage, and 2) has an effect on a body part that actually does work properly and run the risk doing damage to it.

Haven't had any problems taking the Seroquel so far. The paranoia about diabetes hasn't crept into my brain and taken hold again, so I've been taking it as prescribed. Also take the Valium as prescribed. Think that good news will offset any issues he might have when I tell him about going off the Cytomel. I doubt he'll have issues with it though. I was on it for at least six weeks without seeing any change for the better.

Time to crawl back into bed and get sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.


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