Tuesday, January 01, 2008

I AM a single mother

I left the choice up to her and she decided that because our plans may have already been mentioned in passing, we will give the stupid fuckhead sperm donor the details about the kiddie's Sweet 16 dinner next week. He's invited (and ONLY him, not his trophy) with one stipulation...he has to pay his own way cuz I'm sure as hell not going to. If he decides to go, it may very well be the last event in the kiddie's life he attends.

After spending most of Saturday thinking about all the things I'd love to go off on the stupid fuckhead about, from being a deadbeat sperm donor to his being in denial about his bipolar, plus all the stuff I know the kiddie would like to go off on him about, I decided that the best course of action I could take would be to just remain silent. Shocking, I know. The borderline in me would love to verbally assault him and let him know just how fucked up he is, his behaviour certainly warrants it; but karma's about to bite him in the ass, so I'm not going to bother joining in.

I'm just going to cut off all contact with him. For the most part I have with respect to myself, but now the no contact rule includes anything regarding our child as well, unless there is a major emergency. Since he doesn't act like a responsible parent, I'm not going to treat him as if he were a parent. There will be no more email updates from me giving him her schedule. I will not invite him to her school activities like orchestra or choir concerts. If the kiddie wants him there, she can invite him. She said she doesn't want him there and I know she won't invite him unless he asks, which he probably won't think to do, so that is why I say her 16th bday dinner will probably be the last event he attends.

When I got pregnant I never expected anything from him. No financial support, no emotional support, nothing. I half figured he'd move and leave no forwarding address the day after I told him I was pregnant. The only expectation I ever had at the time was that I'd be a single mother. That I'd have to do this all on my own. Since that is essentially what I've done since her birth, it's time I step up and finally accept the reality I haven't wanted to acknowledge. I AM A SINGLE MOTHER. There is no one on the planet except myself to care for my child.

I assured my daughter that even though I won't be in contact with the stupid fuckhead, I will still have her back. I'm not going to desert her and say deal with him on your own, especially if he starts getting ignorant with her. I will step in if the situation warrants it. But for the most part, he no longer exists to me.


Blogger Polar Bear said...

I'm glad you have made this decision not to involve him in your daughter's life anymore. I think it's a big step forward for you, as I can see that every time he hurts your daughter by not showing up or cancelling out, that he also hurts you very much. I think it's important that you build this distance between you and him and your daughter. Nothing good seems to come out of your/your daughter's interactions with him.

I don't know. It's probably not my place to say these things. I hope you take care.

8:21 PM, January 02, 2008  
Blogger anna said...

Hugs to y'all both. Sometimes the only way is to let go.

8:37 PM, January 02, 2008  

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