Trust, or lack thereof

"A person who trusts no one can't be trusted." Jerome Blattner

One thing I like to do while I'm wasting time at Barnes & Noble is to read through books of quotes. Of the dozens of times I've done this, the above quote is the only one that ever became etched into my memory. I have no idea who Jerome Blattner even is. He could be someone as insignificant in the world as I am. But this quote left such an indelible mark that I often engage in debates within my own mind on whether I agree or disagree with it.

Trust, or lack thereof, is something I deal with on a daily basis. For anyone that's been abused, the ability to trust becomes fractured; and the long-term, residual effect is something they have to contend with in just about every interaction every day. Does that mean they themselves are not trustworthy as this quote implies? Not necessarily. What I endured as a child so overtly impaired my ability to trust others that honesty and dependability became the most important traits I feel any person could possess, traits that I require myself to have. I confess that I have taken them to the extreme. I get furious if I'm more than a minute late for something and will get just as furious at someone else for doing the same. Most times I will opt to tell the brutal truth rather than coddle to someone's emotions, but I also expect the same level of honesty in return. But even with my extreme views, in the end, people know they can trust me, they know they can rely on me.

Surprisingly, this is one topic where there is actually some grey area for me. I can't make such a broad statement and declare with conviction that there is no one I trust. There are a few people I trust with certain things, in certain situations. There's just no one I trust 100%. I feel that trusting anyone unconditionally is unrealistic and one of the biggest, most naive mistakes a person can make.

This isn't just a random post, there is a reason behind why trust is at the forefront of my mind right now. I have less than a week to decide how to forge ahead with the therapy situation, so I've begun thinking of possible paths to take. In thinking about the therapists I've seen, and even just my journey through the mental health system thus far, no one has consistently betrayed my trust more in the last five years (other than the stupid fuckhead ex) than the mental health workers I've dealt with. Ironically though, these are the same people that keep insisting I need to trust them if I ever want my mental health to improve. This is definitely a "stuck between a rock and a hard place" situation I'm in.