Tuesday, February 03, 2009

All over the place

My mood has been all over the place today. You name it, my emotions have swung in that direction at some point. Normally when I'm PMS'ing, which I am, I'm either just suicidally depressed or murderously raging. I've been both those today but I've also been manically happy too. The mood shifts so rapidly that I honestly haven't a clue what I'll be feeling from one minute to the next.

Bizarre thoughts have crossed my mind and I've acted on some of these strange desires. I noticed a sign by the fire station that said "do not block the driveway" and I almost parked my car horizontally on the driveway and waited to see what they'd do if I refused to move it.

I went to the shoe department at Target and thought it'd be a good idea to grab one of each pair so I could buy them. I ended up leaving a cart full of shoes sitting in the linen department and buying a pair of sunglasses instead.

I also thought about going to the psych hospital and just sitting in the waiting room. If anyone asks why I'm there, I'd just say I'm trying to figure out where I need to go next. Depending on how I feel after I meet with my pdoc on Thursday, I might just do it since his office is two doors down from the hospital.

I left a message for my daughter's school counselor because I wanted to set up an appointment to meet with him, and I ended up sounding like a 13 year old leaving a random message for their estranged father...with lots of "um yeah's" and "well okay then's" thrown in there. The guy returned my call, but he must think I'm a complete nutcase.

My daughter's therapist returned my call while I was waiting to pick the kiddie up from school. When she asked how I was, I almost broke down in tears and let it all out, but then realized...wait a second, this isn't my therapist. I managed to fight back the tears and set up an appointment for my daughter.

I feel like I'm at the start of a complete and utter meltdown that I can't allow myself to have.


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