Tuesday, March 31, 2009

In limbo

My therapist or ex-therapist, whatever she is now, called me back and said that she put in an urgent request with the intake department to have me assigned to someone new. The problem is that a lot of the other therapists already have full case loads, so she has no idea when or if I'll get pushed off on someone else.

I also asked her about the other guy that called. He was calling about the partial hospital program they run out of their facility. I called him back just a little while ago and left a second message that I was interested in learning more about their program because I'm not doing well with the one at the psych hospital.

Right now I'm incredibly vulnerable and feel like everything is hanging in limbo. Will I have a therapist or not? Will the PHP I'm in now get better or not? Will the other PHP program be a better fit even if it's farther away or not? Will I drink myself into oblivion again or not? Should I hospitalize myself again or not? Always a million questions, but never any answers.

I got a letter in the mail today. Apparently my local police department has a social worker on staff. In it she writes "The police report that was taken was passed on to me with the hope that you may want to consider speaking with someone regarding this situation". What I want to talk about is getting myself a copy of that police report and seeing what it says. I want to see if in my drunken stupor, before I blacked out, I mentioned anything to them about wanting to kill myself. If not, that just helps my case against the medical hospital and the social worker they employ that falsified the legal document involuntarily admitting me to the hospital.


Blogger Anonymous Drifter said...

I hope you're able to obtain another therapist. I find it stressful just having the thought that I might have to find a new psychiatrist. Change can really rattle you, especially if it means starting from scratch again.

8:02 AM, April 01, 2009  
Blogger tracy said...

i, too hope you will be able to fimd someone...and have a "good fit" with that someone and be able to s t a y with that person as long as you would like to and need too.
i wow, do i understand about outpatient groups-- sometimes they can really get to you...

8:50 AM, April 01, 2009  
Blogger Barb said...

I agree with Anonymous Drifter as far as therapists and psychiatrists go. I've had my "new" one for over a year and I'm still adjusting, but she's almost through her "probation." :)

Sid, I've been in at least 3 PHPs. When my husband worked in the suburbs, I went to one there so that I'd actually show up and couldn't get out of it. Give yourself credit for showing up on your own!

All the PHPs I've been in have a similar structure, types of groups. Try to keep an open mind about them (except maybe "Spirituality"). Even if you go to "Movement" and just stand there, you never know--you may get something out of it that you totally wouldn't expect. I know I'd feel self-conscious, that everyone's watching me. Chances are, they feel the same way and are too self-conscious themselves to think about anyone else.

The lunch tickets are pretty stupid, but you can do something about it instead of being a "martyr" and not eating at all. Ask one of the counselors what foods you can and can't eat. Someone there must know. Even if it's other patients.

Good luck. I hope you stick with it.

10:15 AM, April 01, 2009  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

wow, Sid. the Mh system where you are is certainly appalling. Im sorry it seems as though you canm't find someone who can really help you. You don't need to have to fight for the right to get the right care.

4:28 PM, April 01, 2009  

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