Thursday, July 16, 2009

5 years & counting...

Today is the 5th anniversary of my blog. Five years ago I began what I thought would be a little project, making the leap from private, paper journals to a very public format. When I first began blogging, I assumed I would also continue writing thoughts in private. I figured there would be things I wouldn't have the courage to share here. But each time I sat down and placed my hands on the keyboard, I didn't hold back. I typed out my thoughts as I was thinking them. Typed out my emotions as I was feeling them. Even when I knew my words would incite insult and ridicule, I still typed them.

At times I wonder if I've overstayed my welcome, run my course. If I've come full circle too many times and landed in the same spot I was at when I started, asking the same questions...

"Am I just destined to be a miserable wretch my entire life?"
"How much pain can one person endure before it's ok to just give up?"

I'm not sure either of those, or any of the other numerous questions I've asked over the years, has an answer. I've yet to figure life out. I've yet to understand how to free myself from the emotional pain that torments me by day and by night.

But I have grown over the years, even if it doesn't seem as if I have. I've learned things about myself, both good and bad, that have changed me. So with that knowledge, I will continue to blog. I will continue to ask the wrong questions in hopes of someday asking the right ones.


Anonymous eeabee said...

i'm glad you're going to keep writing. i think your honesty and willingness to talk about the difficult stuff without prettifying it is what makes her blog so powerful for me. yours is one of the few blogs i can read when i'm feeling low and know that i'm not alone in having struggles that are sometimes too much to be cheerful and optimistic over. so i truly appreciate your writing in just the way you do, no annoying sugar-coating.

8:36 PM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

I'm glad too that you will continue writing. I do believe you have grown, even if it's hard to see that sometimes. I feel the same way often.

Happy birthblogday!!

10:14 PM, July 16, 2009  
Blogger Borderline Lil said...

I for one am happy to have found you, and am working my way through your amazingly honest and heartfelt writings. Hooray for the survivors x

6:28 AM, July 21, 2009  
Blogger her motherless daughter said...

thank you for your blog. it helps me understand my own BDP/Shiz mother so much more. keep writing - there is so much strength in it.

11:22 AM, July 23, 2009  

Post a Comment

<< Home