Sunday, August 30, 2009

Another Seroquel rant

My battle with Seroquel continues to rage on and I'm sure it's starting to aggravate people with how much I spout off about my hatred of this drug lately, but it's my blog...feel free to stop reading any time. In fact you might want to stop reading right now because this post will be another rant about how toxic I believe this drug from hell really is.

I'm not in a good mood today, which is probably an understatement, but I'm not exactly sure how to describe how I'm feeling. It's that place, somewhere between blah and suicidal, that's void of description. Unless you've been there, there's no way to express what it feels like. There's some irritation, some depression, some anxiety, some paranoia and an overall general feeling of blah. If I could have stayed in bed all day I probably would have. But that's where a lot of my bad mood stems from...lack of sleep.

Sleep has been hit or miss since I stopped taking Seroquel over three weeks ago. I'm lucky if I average three hours of sleep a night. That's right, 3 hours, A NIGHT. No one can live on that little sleep, no one. The problem isn't just the lack of sleep, it's also a lack of quality. There are five stages of sleep and I'm lucky if I ever make it to level three. Most nights I feel trapped in level 1.

My frustration with not sleeping has developed into a near nightly struggle of do I breakdown and take the poisonous Seroquel that got me in this position in the first place or do I keep trying to figure out how to sleep without it and hopefully someday break my brain's addiction to this evil drug. How much suffering can I endure, will I have to endure, before I am able to sleep like a normal person again instead of being dependent upon the drug induced coma of Seroquel?

When I found myself still wide awake at 4 am almost every night this past week, it was painfully obvious that I had no choice about whether I take Seroquel or not. The drug and the damage it has done to my brain have made that choice for me. As a result, I gave in and choked down 100 mgs of Seroquel the last two nights in a row.

How can doctors so carelessly prescribe such a potent drug to treat insomnia? That's the only reason I was ever put on it, because I wasn't sleeping. That's the primary reason most people I know started on it. The last few times I've been in the hospital, nearly every single patient on the unit was either on Seroquel or had been on it sometime in the past couple of years.
Surely there are better alternatives, medications that were specifically manufactured for sleep disturbances, rather than putting everyone on an anti-psychotic.

Unfortunately, like most people, I was first given the drug while inpatient. At the time I was borderline catatonic, barely able to even remember what year it was let alone read the patient information I'd been given on any of the medications they began pushing on me in order to give informed consent. It'd be another seven months before I was at least mildly stable enough to start asking questions, but by then I was already hooked like a crack addict. I gladly went along with each dosage increase because I was too depressed to care.

Now I'm paying for it...dearly.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I've heard that anti-psychotic withdrawal can be hell.

Having said that, I'm pretty sure that you would have ended up on some anti-psychotic anyway, BPD's are well known for insisting on drugs.

There aren't many alternatives when it comes to sleep drugs. It's either these, diazpam (and other others), or anti histamines.

Then again, these types of things really depend on the person. I went off my anti-psychotic fine.

9:25 PM, August 30, 2009  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

I get worried about the high dosage of seq that I'm on, but as long as I'm taking it, I don't really have to think too much about it. It's about the only drug that alleviates my psychotic episodes.

I'm also on Zopiclone if I start to have insomnia (as every one on my care team agress that lack of sleep triggers a lot of bad episodes for me). I'm sure you've tried Zopiclone at one point of another - does that help you sleep? Because it sure does work for me - but never on it for long term - only periodically to make sure I'm sleeping when I start becoming unwell.

And besides Zoipiclone, there should be other drugs that are mainly to treat insomnia - I can't believe you were prescribed Seroquel for sleep!

10:23 PM, August 30, 2009  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

Perhaps that just goes to show what a lot of GUESSWORK these psychiatrists are doing a lot of the time!

10:25 PM, August 30, 2009  
Blogger Sid said...

BPD's are well known for insisting on drugs? Where'd you hear that lie? I've personally gone through a lot of medications AND other treatments (therapy, ECT, VNS, etc.) in an attempt to control my major depressive symptoms and anxiety, but I've never once insisted on being medicated. Ideally I'd prefer to not take any, EVER.

11:23 PM, August 30, 2009  
Blogger Anonymous Drifter said...

Don't blame you for bitching, Sid. I feel the same way about Risperdal. I think all AP's are drugs from hell.

8:20 AM, August 31, 2009  
Blogger Barb said...

Have you ever tried trazodone? I've been taking it for years and it's the best sleep med that's worked for me. It's actually an antidepressant, except it doesn't seem like they prescribe it for that purpose anymore but for sleep. It's sedating but not classed as a sedative.

11:29 AM, September 01, 2009  
Blogger Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Thankfully I don't have any problems with Seroquel except the weight gain, which sucks but it really cuts down the degree of my psychosis.

Plus the sleep thing is a plus for me so It's been good for me but I do agree it gets prescribed WAY to much for simple insomnia.

Same with Risperdal but then I have a form of Schizophrenia.

1:03 PM, September 01, 2009  
Blogger atorturedsoul said...

Wow, themadandwild. I never knew someone with a mental illness that promoted stereotyping of others suffering from a mental illness.

(That's about the nicest response I can muster so I'll leave it at that.)

2:38 PM, September 04, 2009  

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