Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Not in a million years

Apparently my pdoc seems to think that involving my parents in my treatment would somehow be of help to me, at least that's what he told my therapist, and she seems to agree. She said they only talked briefly before the call got dropped, but that's what he had mentioned. I told her there's no way that would ever happen, not in a million years.

I can't even understand why either would make such a suggestion. What part of "my mother is a cold, heartless, emotionally unavailable bitch" do they not comprehend? It's not an over-exaggeration and doesn't just describe the monster that abused me mercilessly as a child. The beatings may have stopped decades ago, but she's still the same person and still loves to get her emotionally abusive digs in whenever she can. My father has been, and always will be, one of the most ignorant, male-chauvinistic assholes on the face of the planet.

Do people honestly believe that I cut my parents out of my life for years just for the heck of it? I did it for self preservation. If I had had any other option available to me, other than being homeless and living on the streets, there would still be no contact with them to this day. I know my father cares, in his own twisted little way. He's the reason I have a roof over my head. Since he's male, in his eyes this is HIS house and therefore my mother had no say in the matter. However, my father's ignorance about mental illness is beyond appalling and often times hurtful, so he is of no help to me in that department. You can't even try to educate him on the subject because he believes he already knows everything there is to know so he will not listen.

I feel no more of an attachment to my parents than I do to the random stranger standing next to me in line at Starbucks. I've come to accept that they are just not emotionally capable of having close, loving, supportive relationships with other people. Not with each other and not with their children. My siblings have come to accept that limitation too. We simply coexist. To expect or want anything more will only set you up for more heartbreak.


Blogger Handsome B. Wonderful said...

What are you doctor's thinking??? The last thing you need is two unstable people mixed up into your therapy!! ACK!!! I think you're right on in saying, "Not in a million years." It's your therapy and your mind, so you call the shorts. It sucks that we have to constantly keep our doc's in check.

Doctor's get cocky and greedy sometimes and think that they can be miracle workers and solve every single problem in our lives. No matter how big or deep. Sorry to hear about this.

11:33 AM, January 20, 2010  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

eek. I can't believe your pdoc and t thinks that it would help to involve your parents! What a suggestion!!

I have similar experiences with my parents, so I can understand how you feel. I would NEVER EVER want to have my parents involved.

3:04 PM, January 20, 2010  

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