Sunday, May 30, 2010

No worries

Given how incredibly busy I've been, I wish I could say that time has flown by since I last posted. I also wish I could say that I've suddenly become a happy-go-lucky person that's just been tra la la'ing their way through an enjoyable life. But reality is a bitch and I've spent the last month trying to grasp the thread-bare scraps of my sanity while juggling one hell of a hectic schedule. Something's about to snap and it's certainly not my fingers.

Allowing myself to be recruited and put in charge of planning my sister's surprise birthday party for 50+ people while trying to meet college deadlines and deal with the final month of my daughter being in high school, including prom and graduation, was another of my "not so brilliant" ideas.

And while I was busy screaming on the inside that I can't do any of this, I was putting on an Academy Award winning performance for the masses. The surprise party was a complete surprise and everyone had a great time while I played the role of the socialite hostess. I acted stable & calm, crying just the right amount of tears at my daughter's final choir concert and at graduation. I orchestrated a graduation brunch that was delightfully enjoyable.
All in all, I've been a resounding success in the eyes of those around me.

But in order to keep up appearances, I've had to shove an immense amount of emotion deep inside the nether regions of my soul. All the anxiety, stress and sadness generated by what has transpired over the last month is now seething just out of reach, locked behind a door I don't know how to open. Someone might have the key, but that someone sure isn't me.

No worries though. It'll all burst out sooner or later. It always does.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just glad to hear that you are hanging on. You deserve so much more credit than you give yourself. You are right, reality is a bitch...(if it was a slut, it would be easy!!)
Great to hear from you again. You are a valuable piece of a lot of peoples lives. Take good care of you.
Jim (loyal reader and fellow sufferer)

5:09 PM, May 31, 2010  
Blogger Walkingborder said...

I'm just glad to have proof you're still alive. I'm afraid the next long stretch of silence will be the final one.

7:32 PM, June 01, 2010  

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