Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Her choice

About a month or so ago, can't remember exactly when, I sent the sperm donor an email asking about his family's medical history and asking him to help with the kiddie's college expenses since he never bothered to pay child support. As expected he never responded. I then sent a text message letting him know I'd sent him an important email I needed him to respond to and that if he didn't get it to let me know. Again, nothing.

Sometime last week the kiddie calls me and asks what her sperm donor's mother's maiden name was. Seems she got a message on Facebook from someone claiming to be the sperm donor's cousin, asking her to let bygones be bygones and let him back into her life. All I can think is 1) is this cousin for real and 2) what a fucking ass the sperm donor is if this cousin actually does exist. He won't respond to my direct attempts to contact him and then tries to contact the kiddie via some random stranger neither of us has ever heard of? I could see not wanting to respond to me, but try to contact your daughter yourself, don't ask someone else to do it for you. Even if you're afraid she'll say no, why involve someone she doesn't know in a mess you created but won't accept responsibility for?

I question whether this is truly his cousin because in the 12 years we were together, he never had any contact with any extended family. None. The only family in his life were his father and step mother, his mother passed away before our daughter was born. I know there are no cousins on his dad's side of the family because his dad only had a lesbian half sister that he never kept in contact with (not because she was lesbian but because they were never close). His mother was born and raised in Scotland, and all of her family still lived there when I was married to the guy.

Now it is possible that he reached out to his mother's family after his dad passed away, since they are his only living relatives, but I don't honestly see that happening....well, unless he thought he could get money out of them. That seems to be the only reason he ever contacts anyone.

The kiddie, still not wanting to have any interaction with the man at all, sent this supposed cousin a response telling him to never contact her again and promptly blocked him. I'd be curious to see the message she received, but she deleted it as soon as she blocked the guy.

From time to time I have asked her if she'd ever be open to reconciling with her father, but she won't even entertain the idea. I know he's an irresponsible putz, but I still wish they had some sort of relationship, even if it was a distant one. I've never asked, but I wonder if she sees him for the master manipulator I know him to be and that's why she refuses to ever talk to him again. She doesn't want to be seduced by his manipulation and get sucked into the personal hell that he creates for himself. Whatever the reason, it's her choice. It has been her choice since day 1 and I'll respect it.


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