Monday, October 24, 2011

Surprising strength

Another week, another therapy appointment cancelled at the last minute. I had planned to just blow her off because I'm still angry over last week's cancellation and the major fuck-up by my pdoc's office earlier this month. However, her office calling to cancel meant I wouldn't have to explain my absence. Technically I wouldn't have been blowing her off because we never verbally discussed scheduling another appointment for this week when she cancelled last week. While there is an expectation that I will be there on Mondays at 12:30 pm, as that is the time slot she keeps reserved for me, it is never just assumed I'll be there, we always discuss it.

I know it's not fair to let my anger at my pdoc's office affect my interactions with my therapist, but frankly, I'm angry about everything related to the care, or rather lack thereof, I've received since I entered this nightmare known as psychiatric treatment back in 2003. I desperately want to extricate myself from the system, but yet I can't. It's a constant game of tug-of-war that's been playing in my head for years. I want it all to be over with and despite how overpowering the voices are that agree and demand I give up and die, there is surprising strength in that tiny little voice from somewhere deep within that simply whispers, "you can't".

5 Comments:

Blogger Mildred Ratched said...

So many people seem to be in the same boat as you (not to minimize your situation...I know how frustrating it must be for you). This exactly why I can't seen to make myself take the step to try antidepressants. I feel as though I'll somehow fall through the cracks in the system and not get the help I think I may need.

5:35 PM, October 25, 2011  
Anonymous troll hater said...

Sid, it's me again. I'm back to typing to you because I was wondering if you could help me.

I have a problem with a male troll whose usual username is Daniel in these websites:

1. http://www.topix.com/forum/who/cole-sprouse

2. http://www.topix.com/forum/movies/big-fish

Daniel thinks he's so great and stuff because he trolls and spams like crazy. He also thinks and claims that he isn't immature and a hypocrite. But he's delusional and wrong.

One other thing that I want to warn you about Daniel is that he's teaming up with a guy whose current username is Devilspawn, although his real name is Deandre Lee, about getting rid of anti-troll people. The proof's in the first website of the list that I put in this blog.

Here other things that I want to warn you about Devilspawn/Deandre:

1. He's sexist against women and girls.

2. He's racist against white people while being black.

3. He's violent and disruptive.

4. He's as much of a liar as Daniel.

4. He claims that he's a king and that he rules a website that he isn't in charge of.

I also found Daniel and Devilspawn in this troll forum:

http://www.topix.com/forum/news/internet-trolls

In your anti-troll blog, I found a few other people who are also against trolls. One of them's named James. Do think that you could contact them and tell them about the childish trolls that I'm warning you of?

Thanks.

P.S. I was that trolled victim who told you about Topix in your troll-hating blog.

9:08 PM, November 01, 2011  
Anonymous troll hater said...

I'm back to warn you about another guy or gal who trolls the Internet all the time and seems to enjoy it in this blog that he or she made:

http://www.sociopathworld.com/2008/10/sociopath-haters-witch-hunting-freaks.html

If you ask me, that troll's a hypocrite because he or she tries to make himself or herself sound like a hero even though he or she isn't. Heck, that troll's sociopath. And I don't kindly to them for good reason.

And just so you know that that sociopath has an e-mail address in his or her website just as you do in yours and your anti-troll friends have in theirs.

Well, good luck in going against trolls.

1:10 PM, November 02, 2011  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sid. You are so freaking strong. I am so grateful to see you :)

Ignore the friggin trolls.

8:19 PM, November 06, 2011  
Blogger xxx Hannah xxx said...

I always find it so ironic that the system which is there to 'help' people like you & I actually just seems to give us more barriers & stress! Keep at it, you write a great blog, thank you X

7:50 AM, November 07, 2011  

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