Saturday, January 15, 2005

Sleepless in Chicago

Can't sleep again. Got up at 8 am yesterday and I'm still wide awake. My sleeping pattern is all fucked up these past few weeks. Either I fall asleep between 2 & 4 am, get up at 8 to drive the kiddie to school, come back home and sleep til almost 3 pm when I have to pick her up or I just don't sleep at all. Was hoping one of these nights I didn't sleep would make me super tired and I'd be able to get back onto a more normal schedule in line with the kiddie's, but no such luck.

Just hope I don't suddenly get tired any time today because there will be no time to take a nap. The kiddie and I have a bunch of running around to do and then we're babysitting for my nieces tonight until gawd only knows what time. Should make for some interesting driving, not only will I be zoning out as I seem to do regularly these days, but I've had a lack of sleep on top of it. Wonder if I should start the caffeine drip now.

So I've made arrangements to be cremated when I'm dead. Figured I'd better make those plans or my mother will try to have a full catholic funeral for me...despite her knowing I'm an atheist. Wonder if she could even do that, considering the supposedly devote catholic that she claims to be never bothered to have me or my younger sister christened...which I count as a true blessing in disguise. Anyway, once I'm a bunch of ashes, I've requested they sprinkle me somewhere in the snow covered Rockies in Colorado. Not that I particularly care what they do with the ashes, but I know they won't just throw them in the trash which would be my first choice, so why not make one final request.

Wonder if the stupid fuckhead ex will be entitled to receive any money from the government after I'm gone. I'm guessing they won't pay him my disability if I'm dead, but wonder if they'd still pay the extra amount I was receiving for the kiddie. Suppose I should check into that. I know the fuckhead can't afford to take care of her on his own. I still hate the fact that she'll end up with him. Wish I could designate someone else, pretty much anyone else.

Ok, I'm too antsy to sit here & type, think I'll go exercise my lazy ass for a few hours til the kiddie wakes up.


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