Friday, March 25, 2005

Still going...

I swear, when I don't take enough Seroquel I'm like the fucking Energizer bunny. Only difference, well besides the obvious that I'm not a pink toy bunny banging a drum, is that the only thing that keeps going and going and going is my damn fucking mind! It's pissin' the fuck outta of me. How I refrain from scrambling my brain with the power drill is beyond me. Actually, think the only thing that does stop me is I don't know if the old people even own one or where they'd keep it if they did. Ignorance is bliss & helps keep some of us alive at times.

I'd like to say I'm losing my mind. But I haven't lost it, I know exactly where it is because it won't shut the hell up. The noise is deafening. I don't understand it. When I went off all my medications except for a small dose of Seroquel and everything was cleaned out of my system, the thoughts weren't racing as bad and the noise level was very low. Why are they this bad now that I'm on other meds again? Wish I could remember if I was having racing thoughts before I started on any medications back in early 2003 or if this only became a problem once I took them. I didn't start on the Seroquel until Oct '03 so I'm thinking maybe I didn't and it's all these other meds causing the problem.

Guess I have to decide which is more tolerable...the noise & racing thoughts or the extreme depression & suicidal thoughts. That's a tough call.


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