Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Nothing's working right

Not only is blogger eating my posts, now yahoo is sending all the comment notifications to my spam file. At first I was just deleting the spam file without even checking what was in it, but because there seemed to be more than usual I finally checked. Sure enough, only one of six was actually spam...grrrrrrr. It wasn't doing this before so I don't understand why all of a sudden it is now.

Nothing is working right these days. Yesterday morning when I turned my computer on, my monitor kinda blew up, figuratively speaking of course. It made a weird zapping sound, the screen went blank and smoke started pouring out the back. I knew my monitor was dying cuz it's been acting weird for about a month. Guess it finally gave up. That monitor was at least 10 years old so I suppose I got a lot of usage out of it. Luckily, since the ex moved and doesn't have internet access, he'd already planned to give me his computer and did so last night. Haven't hooked it up yet cuz that means taking mine apart and moving sound cards and stuff into the new one, but I had to at least install the new monitor so I could still get online.

Then the handle on the faucet broke off yet again yesterday as well. They're plastic and for some reason they keep breaking. I've replaced them at least five times since I moved in here. I should just replace the whole fucking faucet and put something studier in, something with metal handles. Guess I'll check around while I'm at the hardware store tomorrow and see what's available for a relatively cheap price.

I slept most of today. Got up at around noon, played some games online for a bit but got bored fast. Figured I'd go watch some tv and fell asleep til 6 pm when my daughter woke me up for dinner. I'm still ready to sleep some more.

I'm worried that when I go to the hardware store tomorrow I'll see the packages of razor blades. Not that I need any because we have plenty here, but I'm not sure if my parents know how many there are. I could buy more and hide them. I haven't been cutting a lot. Been trying to fight the urges, but they are getting stronger.

The strongest urge I really have right now is just to take all my pills again. Don't have nearly as many as I did last month, but I pick up a fresh supply tomorrow. That means 90 pills plus what I still have left for this week and the bottle of Valium I've been trying not to use too many of still has about 30 pills in it. I just really, really desperately want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

4 Comments:

Blogger Geisha_Girl said...

Even though it doesn't seem that way right now, the desire to escape WILL pass.

Doing even small things about the house -- rearranging things, clearing clutter and doing some make-do decorating to change the feel of things -- can sometimes be absorbing and uplifting.

I did that recently, buying charity shop things and decorating things with $2 Shop scarfs etc. But I must admit I've let the nesting slide a bit.

Take care :-) Jane

7:53 AM, November 02, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish you wouldnt keep all those pills, it will only tempt you.

I have a lot of pills to, and I have the urge to take em all. Thats why I think Ill have to throw them away because I probably
will take em if I dont.
I wish you would do the same. Please be careful.

Take care
Billy

5:37 PM, November 02, 2005  
Blogger marie said...

I recently wrote a poem "Nothing Is Right" please check it out at lasvegasmarie.blogspot.com or poetry.com (enter Coppla, Marie) to get the list. I hate this continuous feeling of hopelessness it really fucking sucks! Can something PLEASE go right in my life. I hope things get better soon

12:40 AM, November 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I think is that this bitch is really crazy and she needs to stop being emo and think that she has a daughter and she needs to keep her crazy shit to herself and not let her daughter be like that... im no expert but I think that the daughter will do some crazy shit because of this crazy mom... does seroquel get u high? or how do u feel?

10:23 PM, September 06, 2006  

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