Monday, October 24, 2005

Not about me

I did a lot of thinking last night. Trying to process the thoughts and feelings running rampant within. Didn't succeed in getting anywhere. Just trying to make sense of my life and why I'm always so fucking miserable. Everything kept coming back to irony. I hate that word. It's a trap that only adds to the confusion and frustration of life.

I managed to have my birthday slip by this weekend with only 4 people taking notice of it, my ex, my parents and my younger sister. My daughter didn't even remember because I haven't brought the subject up, nor did I write it on the calendar. No one made a big deal, they said a simple happy birthday and left it at that. They know how painful that day is for me.

I was pissed that they said anything. I've repeatedly asked them to make no acknowledgement whatsoever, but still they insist. I don't understand why they can't respect my wishes. I find it insulting. I know they don't comprehend why someone wouldn't want to celebrate their birthdate, but it's not for them to understand, they need only accept it.

Once again, it's not about me. It never is. I'm not allowed to want things, to have wishes or desires. I'm only supposed to accept the expectations others have of me.


Blogger B G said...

hey sweetz, let me tell ya. my birthday was the 19th and nobody but me gave a damn and the only reason i did was because i'm one year closer to wearing diapers.

the expectations other have of me... its my own fault i suppose. i've spent my entire life trying to be everything for everyone. and when i finally do break down everyone will do their best to keep me their.

but you take care of yourself and keep your head up. don't give anyone else the satisfaction.

11:44 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger The Mass Defective said...

Ha, one step closer to diapers? Your profile says you're younger than I am!! Maybe I should already be in them? Thanks for visiting.

11:53 PM, October 26, 2005  

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