Another day

Another day of misery. Even though I did my best to distract by cleaning and going out for coffee, I still feel like crap. I feel dead. Tired. Empty. I'd be curious to see an MRI of my brain, see if it's being eaten away, ravaged by an unseen parasite. It sure as hell feels like that.

I was nearly brought to tears today while talking with the ex about my surrogate father that passed away. I don't believe in life after death and all that stuff, but I so want to visit his grave and talk to him. Just get stuff off my chest, let him know how much I miss him. If he were still alive, I know he'd be able to help me through this nightmare I'm living. He was the most insightful person I've ever met and I trusted him. Think he's the last person I truly trusted. Might be the last person I ever trust again.

Oh great, the ex just called and apparently someone's been trying to repo his car. They'd been going to the old house he used to live in the last several weeks with a tow truck but the new owners have given whoever it is the new address. According to him, he's not behind in his payments so I don't know what that is all about. I thought maybe one of his creditors received a judgment against him, but I wouldn't think they'd be able to take his car because the bank still holds the title. I know I shouldn't be stressing about it because it's not really my problem, but I'm stressing nonetheless. I'll be the one he'll come to if he needs someone to bail him out of this mess.

I don't need more stress right now. I'm already so damn close to the edge it's not funny. Fuck I need a drink.